Sex on the Beach

Charmed and I took some time out of our busy lives for a little R&R in the Mexican Riviera. We had a wonderful time...we are easy to please. Great food, wonderful company and even better cocktails make the two of us the world's most pleasant Bachelorettes!

During the few weeks prior to the vacation, we had a brief discussion about the possibility of meeting potential gentlemen callers. Charmed and I had pretty much convinced ourselves that there would at the very least be two handsome single guys that would be more than honored to meet our acquaintance while on vacation. Needless to say, we were both wrong.

On the final evening before our departure we decided to embark on an excursion: horseback riding along the beach and in the desert. Rookies to horseback riding, she and I didn't really know what to expect. But my experience was well beyond anything my vivid imagination could create.

The horse that I was given was a former race horse. He was a fine Stallion might I add. His bronzed hue was equally as beautiful as his long flowing mane. He loved to gallop and had a penchant for speed. I often had to make him "heel" because he would get carried away with galloping and at times make me feel as if I was going to fall off. The first half of the ride was beachside. The scenery was great, and as the sun set, the beautifulo range, yellow and red hues illuminated magnificently off of the Sea of Cortez.

During the 2nd half of the tour, our guide led us up a mountain. As we gradually inclined, I became overwhelmed by a tingling sensation. I'm not sure if it was the position that I was in as I sat on the horse, or if it was the fact that my cycle had just started. During my cycle, my hormones tend to go crazy! Whatever the cause, it didn't matter...I became engrossed with unfiltered thoughts that danced in my head. I was aroused.

Everyone knows that I've been practicing abstinence and truth be told, I am not a fan of masturbation at all. I would prefer a man to touch my body as oppose to me touching myself. However, the sensation that I was feeling at that moment was the BEST feeling ever. If that's what masturbation feels like, then sign me up now!

With each step the horse took, my body pressed up against its hard spine. My "area" hit the saddle in just the right way each time. I wanted to scream! I had to catch myself before I drifted off into a world that I shouldn't have been in! From that point on I had to focus hard on NOT thinking about how aroused I had become. It was HARD I tell ya! Just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore, the tour ended. I was saved by the sunset. Or was I?

I left the race horse behind that day, and decided to put good use to the electronic device one of my friends bought for me the moment she found out I was abstinent. Other than the namesake drinks I had when we first arrived in the city, horseback riding was the only method of Sex on the Beach that I experienced during this year's vacation! Insert long sigh here.

XoXo,

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Sex With My Ex

I try to make sure that when I break up with a guy, I never dip back in the pot of goodies just for the sake of doing so. But right before I decided to become abstinent, I had a continuous sexual affair with my ex. I tried to justify this activity in a variety of ways. I used to say that the reason I kept him around sexually was because he knew my body very well and he could please me like none other. I made myself believe that it was better for me to have sex with him than to add another notch on my sex-list. I even thought that the constant physical relationship we had was better since the commitment was no longer there. I was lying to myself.

The entire time we were intimately involved I was a ball of emotions- a hot mess. He was too, even though he only recently admitted to it. Our commitment ended in May of one year, but the physical relationship didn’t end until July of the next year. We were consistently intimately involved- almost more than we were intimately involved when we were in a relationship.

Only recently have I begun to realize that subconsciously I was still holding on to our relationship. And he was assisting me. I call it the rope of hope. He would give me just enough to keep me holding on to the notion of us one day being together. Though it was obvious to me that the relationship we shared was not good for my esteem, I still couldn’t shake the thought of him…and US. The sex kept getting better and better, and I translated that as meaning we were getting closer and closer. The truth was I was only widening an already gaping hole.

I didn’t see it then, but I was giving myself to someone who didn’t deserve me. I was submitting to his sexual appetite and scratching his itch in the bedroom, but I was no longer a part of the rest of his life- where it really mattered. I was conceding to his wants and desires, but he wasn’t reciprocating those actions. I wanted a relationship, love, adoration, a mate. He wanted sex, sex and more sex on his time and on his dime. And I gave it to him. I wasn’t anything more than a high priced call girl. When he called I went, often traveling hundreds of miles, enduring TSA and the hassle of the airport just to be his supply. A call girl. No I didn’t receive money for our sexploitations, and I tried to hide the acts behind the walls of our past…he once belonged to me, and I to him. But that time was no longer. I was only his piece.

One morning I stood in the mirror and looked at myself…really looked at myself…and saw an unfamiliar face. Since when did I stoop to such a low level? How did I allow myself to be short changed. I looked deep into eyes I didn’t recognize even though I’ve seen them all of my life, I tried to read deep into the blank expression, but there was no emotion. I had become numb.

It was that day, in front of that mirror in my bathroom that I decided that I would give of my body no more. Even though I derived moments of pleasure, I would endure many more moments of pain in its wake. The plane I was to board for our latest rendezvous destination was going to take off without me on it. And I didn’t even give him a courtesy call.I decided in that moment to honor myself. I deserve someone that will not only cherish me and my body, but meet and exceed my expectations and needs.

This post is for all of you women out there that are giving of yourselves mentally and especially physically and receiving peanuts in return. Yes, he may make you feel good in the bedroom, but is he making you feel good in the Dating Lane? Does he deserve ALL of your Goodies?

Food for thought- eat it if you’re hungry.

XoXo,
CC

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Abstinence

So...I have been abstaining from the tempations of the flesh. I have made a conscious decision to do so given the fact that I haven't been very lucky in love. I found myself becoming attached to men that I shouldn't or wouldn't have ordinarily been attached to, and when I looked at the most common factor in those relationships, aside for ME, sex was the common factor. I realized that the guys I did not give my goodies to (and trust me, they are goodies), were the easiest to get rid of and forget about. However, the ones that stuck their hands in the cookie jar, lingered around a little while longer.


See, I have realized in my older age that not only do I suffer from abandonment issues (I grew up without my parents), I also suffer from the HERO complex. I had a habit of thinking I was Captain Save-A-Hoe. Literally. I wanted to save and convert Hoe @ssed dudes. An impossible task. Really. That's why I was unsuccessful.

I also realized that I was so giving....I gave so much to relationships, especially my goodies...but often got nothing in return but a visit to the Heartbreak Hotel. So, after deep contemplation and consideration, I decided that I would save my goodies for the ONE man that deserves it, my "HIM" (honest incredible man). My HIM is the one GOD has pre-destined for me to be with. My HIM is out there somewhere, and I believe he is chillin in the cut with my single girlfriends' HIMs :)

Until he is revealed to me, I will continue to keep the Goodies Jar Sealed tight. Although matters of the flesh are hard to combat, I am willing to do so for the sake of my own happiness. Many ppl may not understand my stance, and that's ok- it isn't for everyone to understand nor agree with. However, I believe this is the BEST thing for ME. Follow me as I follow Christ.

XoXo,
C.C.

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