Get A Life!

When in a relationship, it is important that my significant other (s/o) has his own life. I can not be anyone's everything, in that case, I feel pressured. I need a man who is secure in our relationship and in his manhood, that he allows me to be the Social Butterfly that I am. A man who has his own life, outside of our relationship. I have a very hefty social calendar, that varies from week to week. From weekend get-aways, to full-fledged international trips with the girls; play dates with my nieces and other family related outings; mid-week happy hour(s) with my co-workers and/or sister friends, this is the short list of my obligations and social dates.

Of course I do so much now because I am single. If I were in a committed relationship those outings would decrease from 6 days a week or so, to about 2 or 3. When I am married, I am sure it will have to decrease to less than that. But I don't believe that I have to lose my life entirely when I get into a relationship. I need a man who has friends. One who enjoys his friends' company and wants to hang out with them on a weekly basis. I need a man who has other obligations, one that volunteers in the community or has a hobby that takes up some time. Basically, I need a man with a life of his own.

Many men cringe at the thought of their woman hanging out on a weekly basis with her girl friends, especially if it involves alochol and nightclubs. I am not a clubber. As a matter of fact, I LOATHE the club. If I never had to step foot in one again, I wouldn't. I am more fond of martini bars and wine lofts as oppose to the booty poppin' atmosphere of the club. But I am very social. My sister-friends and I enjoy each others company. I would love for my s/o to join me in my social endeavors with the girls every once in a while, but I also desire the ability to "Do Me."

I was having a conversation the other night with a gentleman friend of mine about this very topic. He told me that he believes the reason I am single is because I do too much or DTM. I value this guy's opinion, so that statement weighed on me heavily throughout the day. So much so that I called him back later and asked him to elaborate. After promising to him that I would not get defensive or offended, he agreed to explain his comment. "You are always on the go. At any given point I can call you and you may be in Nova Scotia or somewhere. Men like to know that their woman is always readily accessible, and isn't flirting with some man in the club," he said. Did this statement have some validity? Or was he the type of guy I DO NOT want as a s/o?

I came across a post on yahoo that stated just that. Men want women who are "independent" (ya'll know I hate that word). Basically when the author elaborated, s/he said that men find it sexy when a woman has her own life and isn't "needy". Well, that's me! I am by far the most non-clingy woman I know. I used to be the woman that needed to be totally consumed with her man...but that was many moons ago and long before I met ME and fell in love with ME. That was in the stage of my life where I felt as if my sister-friends and family were expendable and would drop them at the drop of a hat to sit up under some man. Long gone are those days. While I crave the companionship of a man, I also crave the companionship of my family and friends.

I have come across several men lately that have a tough time dealing with the fact that I don't care to be consumed with only them every single day of the week. They also don't like the fact that my sisterfriends and I have weekly dinner dates that generally end with a few cocktails at a local bar. When I asked one why he wasn't fond of such, he basically reflected the sentiments of my guy friend. He said that it didn't sit well with him that I was probably intoxicated somewhere flirting with some random man in a bar. That is where the trust factor comes in. In order for me to live my life and continue to abide by my social calendar, my s/o will have to have 100% trust in me and our relationship.

Of course this guy doesn't have much trust for me, after all, we have only known each other for a couple of months. We aren't in a relationship so therefore he doesn't know me as a "girlfriend." I have said several times before on this blog that, as a girlfriend, I am 100% faithful. I have never cheated on any man in any relationship I've been in.

I have a girlfriend that has (3) kids and she is NEVER without a steady man in her life. I've always wondered exactly what it was about her that attracted the type of men that she attracts. What is she doing that I am not? She seems to always get the guys that want to wife her. Aside from the obvious (she's gorgeous, has a great shape and an even greater personality), she comes with obvious baggage: three rugrats and divorce papers. The men she attracts are not divorced single dads, they are young men who have never been married and have ZERO kids. That shocks me. As a single woman, I don't particularly care to date men with children because I don't believe that they are as flexible as I would care for them to be. I would assume that single men with no children would feel the same way, right? WRONG.

I think I've come to a healthy assumption about why single childless men would choose to date a woman with children over a single woman with no kids such as myself...because the woman with children seems to be more settled and easily accessible. Men would assume that a woman with kids wouldn't have as hefty a social calendar as I do. SIKE! My mommy/girlfriend has a much tougher social calendar than me. She has not only her own to juggle, but that of three kids to juggle as well. She runs around town like a chicken with her head cut off on a daily basis. The only time she slows down is when she has a man. Why? Because she puts his ass on daddy duty and he ends up helping her with the kids. orIs it the comfort in assuming that women with children are more settled that a single woman with no kids? Do I need to have some kids in order to get a man to take me seriously? Is it that I have to put a dude on Daddy Duty in order to get him to stop playing the field and committ? Geez.