Snoop Doggy Dogg (not the rapper)

I went out on a date with this guy I have been conversing with for a few months. This was our first date technically since we live in different cities. It started off bad! He picked me up from the airport 45 minutes late! I despise that trememdously. When I called to tell him that my plane landed, he swore he was stuck in airport traffic, when in actuality, he hadn't even left his house! I could hear the bathroom echo! Just ugggghhhhh!

We went to lunch and then proceeded to his office to kill some time until I could check into my hotel room. I check my email and some other things on the computer on one side of the room while he sat on the other side watching television. The next 10 minutes or so, was very silent as I was doing my thing and he was doing his. I looked over to where he was sitting a couple of times and saw what appeared to be him texting. I though nothing of it initially, until I realized that the phone that he was texting from was actually MINE!


YES! This fool had my cell phone! When I realized it I calmly asked him why was he looking in my phone? He laughed and said that he made the mistake of picking my phone up on accident thinking it was his since we have the same phone. Problem with that excuse was, the moment he picked up my phone he would have been able to tell it was his since my screen saver was a personalized one.

Did I mention that this guy and I had only been communicating via phone occassionally and that this was our FIRST time going out? Did I also mention that he was NOT my man nor anything close to it? Can I also say that we barely hugged and definately NEVER kissed each other- but he was going through my cell phone?

To confirm my suspicions I looked in my phone and saw that he was going through my sent messages folder. He had been viewing the messages that I sent out to people and had gotten as far as messages from two weeks prior! I am more than sure that he had already viewed the messages that I received from others, after all, he had about 10 minutes to do so.

I asked him why he felt compelled to go through my phone, and do you know that this fool had teh audacity to tell me that was led to those messages by GOD who REVEALED to him that I was a liar because he saw that I was communicating with other dudes. The problem is, I never DENIED communicating with other dudes, so how was I a liar????? I was confused!

He also went on and on about how he wanted to see how I talked to other dudes and if I had sent any guys nasty text messages and also wanted to see if I was lying about being abstinent. He was convinced that my whole abstinence was a farce and that I was lying about that too since he found a text from me to telling Bachelor #1 how I enjoy sleeping next to him. I had to quickly put Snoop Doggy Dogg in his place and let him know that just because I slept in the same bed with a man does NOT mean I had sex with him. He couldn't believe it or undertand it.

I felt so violated by Snoop Doggy Dogg. I mean REAL violated! He actually didn't see how he did anything wrong and kept calling it a Revelation from God. He could not understand how what he did was deceptive and totally out of line. He did however admit that he assumed that I wasn't dealing with anyone, and I really didn't lie to him because I never TOLD him that I was dealing with anyone. Who does he think I am? Some lame chick that sits home alone every night and twidles her thumbs or knits an afghan? Please. I told him that I am an ACTIVE dater and even though I am fond of one of my Gentleman Callers, I am very single and still celibate. He still contends that he did nothing wrong by looking through my phone. Beyond that, I think it is so unattractive for a male to snoop through a woman's belongings. That is geigh.

I have played the snooping game before in a previous relationship, so I am not holier than thou. I was in a exclusive relationship with the person whose belongings I snooped through, and had reason to believe that he was cheating. I didn't want to continue assuming, I needed actual proof, so I went through his emails. That doesn't justify me being deceptive and nosey AT ALL, but it does make my actions a bit more plausible. Since then, I have declared to NEVER snoop again, because in snooping I found out some very hurtful information.

Snoop Doggy Dogg has been eliminated from the Dating Lane completely. His vehicle has been impounded and will never be released to its owner! He is gone for good with no chances of ever returning to the Dating Lane.

The lesson of the day is: SEEK AND YE SHALL FIND! If you feel the need to snoop....back away from the relationship completely or simply ask God for Revelation. Nothing good ever comes out of deception. True Revelation is accomplished through prayer. God is faithful. There has NEVER been a time when I asked him to reveal something to me, that he has failed me.


XoXo,
CC

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Out of Sight...Out of Mind??!!

Bachelor #1 and I have been seeing each other consistently for a few months now. We are together almost daily in some capacity and generally don't spend time holding phone conversations since we get the opportunity to spend time in person.

In the past few weeks, our time together has been interrupted by the normal rigors of life. Each instance has caused one or the both of us to be out of state for various reasons. The trips have lasted from one day to several days apart. I didn't realize exactly how much I enjoyed his company until we weren't able to be together. I found myself missing him incredibly. So, like any normal person, I reached out to him via phone. However, my calls were not promptly returned. Initially, I let it slide...but after the 3rd instance, I became alert.


Most recently we hit a snag in our courtship. After being apart for two days without any communication, I decided to reach out to Bachelor #1 and send him a text message.....no response. The next day, I called.....he didn't answer. Later that night he sent me a text saying "Hi" I replied....he didn't. I started getting frustrated. The next day I received a very dry phone call from him. The conversation was very contrived and uncomfortable. It almost seemed as if it were one of those "courtesy calls". In case you don't know what a "courtesy call" is, let me define the meaning:

Courtesy Call: When a guy you are dating and normally communicate with on a regular basis, returns your phone call ONLY out of courtesy- NOT out of the desire to speak with you. Generally this call takes place when he is pre-occupied with other female company and feels as if too much time has passed knows that you are probably wondering what the hell is going on and why he hasn't called.


So back to the story. The call I received the next day was eerily reminiscent of a courtesy call. IT wasn't laden with the normal enthusiastic voice that I have grown to become accustomed to. I didn't feel that out-pouring of affection or comedic laden voice that he generally exhibits. Instead, he seemed cold and calculated, dry even. I asked him if anything was bothering him and he re-assured me that he was just fine, but very tired since he had house guest all weekend. Hmmmm.....

I try not to jump to conclusions; I have no grounds to jump to conclusions. Especially since, while I was away I met and exchanged numbers with a few potential gentleman callers, and even went on a date with an ex-flame. However, I still made time to contact Bachelor #1 and let him know that I as thinking of him. He didn't seem very receptive nor did he reciprocate my actions. I am growing to feel as if when I am not physically present and available to sit in his face, I am not thought of. In other words: out of sight, out of mind. I am struggling to deal with the possibility that he is suffering from a lack of object permanence. After all, he is a grown @ss man- NOT an 18-month old; and I am a grown @ss woman- not an object.

I don't want to come across as a "needy" woman, however, there are certain things that I require from a person that I am actively dating. One of those things is consideration of my feelings. Another is a reciprocation of actions. I don't believe that either one of those, within reason, are too far fetched to expect. I simply want to be re-assured that I am thought of, and even possibly missed while we are apart for an extended period...and I believe it is only common courtesy to return a person's phone call in a prompt manner...especially if that's what you GENERALLY do.

Life in the Dating Lane can be sooooo darn complicated at times. During Rush Hour, things can get tough and traffic can stall. It is important to ask the tough question and be ready for the tough answers to avoid unnecessary traffic jams. Though I generally head for the next exit, I think instead this time I will take a few minutes out to specify what it is that I need and what I desire...hopefully it will be taken well and this bump on the road will be paved soon.

XoXo,
CC

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I’ll Take Your Man!

We’re all familiar with the Salt-n-Pepa hit song “I’ll Take Your Man,” but how far would you go to hurt another woman to get the man that you want?

I have had a crush on a guy for over a year. I know….sounds so school girl. And it actually is a bit silly but you like who you like and I like Thomas. I met him through a mutual friend and from the second I saw him there was instant physical chemistry. It was the kind where everyone in the room can tell that there’s a vibe between you and this person. Long story short…we hung out for awhile and messed around a little. During this time, I was under the impression that he had broken up with a girlfriend but knew that he was feeling somewhat “conflicted” about the situation. We would mess around but never quite take it to the next level. The conflict was always in the way. Eventually things cooled down and we stopped spending time together but kept in touch via instant messenger. We would chat all the time and flirt a lot but would never actually make concrete plans to get together. Eventually, Thomas tells me he has a long-distance girlfriend. He expresses that he’s frustrated with the distance and knows that at some point someone (probably he) will have to make a move to be closer. He’s openly said that he isn’t happy but is committed to the relationship.

So…my dilemma is what to do with my crush on this guy. The reckless and selfish side of me wants to seduce him and see how far I can go to get what I want. But the mature and responsible side of me knows better. As a woman, I’ve learned that what goes around comes around and as we like to joke around in our neighborhood, “you get it how you live.” Why would I want a piece of a man that is obviously committed to someone else? Don’t I think enough of myself to wait for the man that only wants to be with me? And more importantly, why would I want to tear apart a relationship and break the heart of a woman who’s done absolutely nothing to me. If the shoe were on the other foot and another woman had the same opportunity with my man, I’d hope she’d consider my feelings. Problem is…as women we don’t often do that. Instead we go for what we want and deal with the wreckage later. What a lot of women don’t understand is that most men are only as good as their last relationship and if he treated her without respect…chances are he’ll treat you the same way.

Before I sign off, I want to clear Thomas’ name and say that he’s probably one of the most respectful and committed young men I’ve known. Not to give away all my business but he definitely could have had the goodies back in the day, if he wanted. Yet, he kept his composure and respected his relationship. I respect that in a man. We’ve actually managed to become friends and only flirt occasionally online. It’s all innocent but I can’t help but admit I still have a small crush.

Despite my crush, I know that I respect myself, Thomas and his relationship enough to draw a line in the sand and stay on my side.

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Does Size Matter?

We wouldn't be human if we didn't have preferences- right?

I have a list of requirements or shall I say "hopefuls" that my HIM should encompass. I will get to that in my next post, however, after a chat with some of my girlfriends, I realized that many of us agree on one thing- he should be packin' *Sniggles*

No I am NOT speaking of packing a Smith & Wesson…the weapon I am talking about resides in his pants alright- The Magic Stick!

Does size matter?

I have heard many people say that "it isn't about the size of the ship, but rather the motion in the ocean." That sounds all good, but for real ladies….do ya really wanna waste ya time on a man with a pencil for a penis? Seriously?

This topic strikes up a memory.
Picture this My Hometown before the turn of the century: I was a novice in the sexual aspect. I had only had one partner at this time- my high school sweetheart. I was curious to experience sex with someone else, simply because all of my girlfriends were ranting and raving about how good sex was and I just couldn't relate. I assumed they were getting something that I wasn't cuz it was take it or leave it for me, and I preferred to just leave it.

Charmed and I went to a college party and we hooked up with these guys we had been recently dating. We thought we were hot stuff because we were fresh out of high school and these guys were older than us with real jobs, cars and apartments! Our gentleman callers were cousins, and hung tight, which was to our advantage since she and I hung tight as well. My gentleman caller we will call Mr. White. Mr. White was tall, dark and handsome and he was FINE AS HELL! Mmm Mmm Mmm. Just thinking about how fine that man was makes me quiver.

Anyways, the night came to an end and Charmed decided that she wanted to go home with her Gentleman Caller. Being that she drove, that kind of left me out in the dark, so my Gentleman Caller offered to bring me home. I accepted, but somewhere along the way, both of us decided that instead of me going home, I would go to his house. I was kind of excited that I would now be able to compare my sexual experiences! Yay for me I thought.

We went into his bedroom and then proceeded to get to business. Remember y'all, I was a novice. We started making out and had four play, etc. It was now time for the main event…well…I never realized when the "event" began. This dude was so small, I couldn't tell the difference between his manhood and his finger! And to make matters worse he kept sliding out….and every time he did so he would say "oooops!" That word became a long standing joke between my friends and I.

Since then I've Incorporated something that I like to call the finger test. With the finger test, I am able to judge the girth of a subject's penis using my middle finger and thumb for an assessment. I test to see exactly where my thumb lands on my middle finger as I wrap them around the penis. Folks laugh, but it matters to me!

There is a flip side of this though. A man who is packin' too much can be scary! I will run in the opposite direction of an overly endowed man! I'm a little chick- I need the happy middle.

Does size really matter? If a guy is lackin' packin', is it ok for him to over compensate in other areas of the sexual realm?

What about if the guy is hung low? Is that more or less appealing? Hell, is sex even a requirement in your book? Here I go with my weak flesh worried about all of the wrong things. SMH.

Lesson of the day: I am not one to settle for mediocrity. Being average is not appealing to me, that is, unless you are a man with an average penis size. I can not and will not take an overly endowed man. I will run from you! Yeah- I'm scared of the d***. So what! BUT I will laugh in the face of a short short man…."don't want, don't want, don't want no itsy bitsy, teenie weenie, shriveled little short, short man." LMAO!

XoXo,

CC

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BINGO

I have quite a few very attractive single girlfriends. We are often in awe of each other because we are all very beautiful, successful women with no diseases and most of us have no children. We all have degrees, some of us even have multiple degrees including Masters. BUT none of us are in committed relationships. I know I know, you can't believe that women like us are single can ya? Most men can't believe it either. I have no clue why some worthy man hasn't snagged him a good wife out of the bunch yet, but I think part of the problem may be that when we go out together, men just don't know who to choose! Though none of us really look alike, we are all very aesthetically appealing, and unless you are a man with a defined "type" then any man who just loves beautiful women would have a problem choosing.

Most of the time, my friends and I don't have many problems choosing the men that we like and be interested in talking to. We all pretty much have defined "types" and hardly every stray away from the molds. However, there is one slight problem. One of my good girlfriends who we will call Rock-N-Roll has the same "type" as I do.


Rock N Roll is BEAUTIFUL. She is also a few yrs my senior and beats me in the aggression department. Her confidence and sexiness is admirable and at times I feel like her understudy since I am more reserved and shy. I listen to her tricks of the trade when it comes to dating and even incorporate them into my own repertoire every now and then. BUT I realized recently that we are gonna have major problems in The Dating Lane.

It all started one Saturday night at a Birthday Party. We were in our hometown at this swanky lil joint celebrating the life of one of our Nearest and Dearest (Darlene). The room was buzzing with beautiful women and handsome men….but all of the guys there- we knew, and we knew that they were either spoken for or full of s%*t. Then, up walks this stunningly handsome man with the prettiest white teeth I've ever seen! He was introduced to our group as a friend of a friend. The joke amongst the others in the group once they saw the guy (knowing he was me and Rock-N-Roll's "type") was "5-4-3-2-1 and they're off." LOL! Both of our eyes lit up. I batted my eyes at the guy, she batted and winked hers; I shook my shimmy, she two-stepped (figuratively)….up until the point that she got tired of me checking ole boy out, she looked at me and said "You know he's a hook-up for me- RIGHT?!" In other words: "Back of Bitch!"

Insert *sigh* here. She trumped me. Again.

A week or two later, we were in the same swanky spot doing a little PR and out of the side of my eye I spotted a handsome man. I leaned in to Darlene and told her about the guy in the corner who I had my eye on…Rock-N-Roll was a few steps ahead of us and didn't hear the convo that was taking place behind her….then all of a sudden, she started eye-balling my prospect! YES! I was like "Oh uh uh! I saw him first!" I know you guys are probably like "Grow Up!" but when you and your girlfriend- someone you hang out with on the regular, obiviously like the same type of men, it can become a MAJOR faux pas! TRUST! It was then that the concept of saying BINGO was formed. I told her that I was gonna have to start calling BINGO on the guys I like. The concept came from a game that I used to play as a child. I'm sure we have all played this game a time or two. Anytime my cousin and I saw a car or a house that we liked we would yell out BINGO. The first person to say BINGO was the winner and the winner was the fake owner of the car or house. Well, I have come to a sad state in The Dating Lane….Rock N Roll and I must call BINGO when we see a man we're interested in. That way, if we plan on making the first move, then we won't be competing against each other. However, if HE makes the first move, then it's all fair game.

It seemed to be working well, this new found strategy of ours. A few days later, we went to PF Changs for dinner. When we sat down the server came to take our drink order and to my surprise Darlene and Rock-N-Roll knew the guy and were pretty friendly with him. He was my "type" I was all ready to give him the "welcoming eye" and before I could say anything about it Rock-N-Roll softly said "BINGO!"

BOOOOOOO! I quit!

XoXo,

CC

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Irreplaceable

We all know the words:

"You must not know about me…I can have another you in a minute, matter of fact, he'll be here in a minute…"

Charmed and I like to change the last part of that phrase. Instead we say "I can have a BETTER MAN in a minute, matter of fact he'll be here in a minute!"

It seems kind of ludicrous to actually want another cheater- after all, isn't the main character in the song putting her dude out of the house for driving the other chick around in the Jag that is registered in her name? So I have decided to assist Beyonce (and Ne-Yo since he is the ghost writer of that song) and replace the phrase with terminology more befitting to myself and my sisterfriends.

Some men really believe that they are irreplaceable. I am sure we all would like to be narcissistic enough to believe that our ex-lovers could never do a better job and UPGRADE to someone better than we are…but truth be told…they always can. That person may not necessarily be a better person, more than simply a better fit.

My EX called me not too long ago out of the blue. We hadn't spoken in ages. He called insistently, and only left a message after the 3^rd time I didn't answer. I was pre-occupied with a gentleman caller, and didn't feel the necessity to answer the call. I listened to the message and the pitiful voice on the other end left a very brief message requesting a returned phone call at my earliest convenience.

"Don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable…"

Why is it that when you are finally getting rid of the emotional ties to a past relationship and attempting to progress with a new one, the EX calls? Does he have some kind of radar that beeps to let him know that you are moving in the direction of another man? Why does it seem that just when you found someone you think you are interested in embarking on the journey of Boy-friendship with, the EX pops back into your life pronouncing his undying love for you? Why was he suddenly beginning to realize that I aint a shabby chick?! Why did it take this long for him to realize that the same way he was attracted to me, fell in love with me, and wanted me in his life, someone else could possibly feel the same way! Exactly what has caused him to now realized that he is NOT Irreplaceable?

"To the left to the left…"

So why was I flirting with the idea of meeting up with him for a dinner date in another city? Because I am a glutton for punishment! Hell- I guess that is the most logical explanation possible.

I flew to the location to meet him for dinner and planned to spend the night in the city where we met up at. I arrived at the restaurant a few minutes before he did and was inundated with thought of how awkward this meeting would be. To my surprise (or maybe not) things were unabashingly smooth. We have this undeniable chemistry that even a stranger could pick up. We started laughing and talking about the good ole days and how much fun we had together and the times we shared. The night was still young, so I agreed to go back with him to his room for a couple of drinks. We ended up ordering room-service, drinking wine, and chatting it up. The night was going so well….our trip down memory lane took us back to some of the most intimate moments of our relationship. We even got to the point where we were about to have sex. I know I've talked about abstinence on here….don't get holier than though on me, a sista gets weak and has needs to ya know. Anywho, back to the story.

So just as we were preparing to have sex, I bust out crying! In my head swirled several thoughts…

1. God's disappointment in me for my lack of discipline.
   
2. My disappointment in myself for breaking my promise to myself and to God.
   
3. The fact that this man does NOT deserve me anymore.
   
4. The details of the nature of our break up and the last few months of our relationship.
   
5. The fact that he could be involved with someone right at that moment and I would NEVER know.
   

I was crying uncontrollably. I am talking about SOBBING crying ya'll! Yes, ya girl was straight trippin while sitting buck naked on the bed in front of the EX. I couldn't see the look on his face due to my clouded vision, but I was an emotional mess. I must say, he was very supportive and understanding. I am sure he was thinking in the back of his mind that I was still as crazy as a lunatic, but, in the moment, he was very tender and consoling. I kept apologizing for my outburst. I was so embarrassed….it lasted about 5 lonnnnng minutes. Every time I thought I was done, another thought swarmed my head and made me burst into more tears. Maybe it was the (4) glasses of Riesling I had consumed earlier that assisted in my emotional instability??? Whatever the deal, I was THROUGH.

After I calmed my lil self down, I put back on my clothes and excused myself to my own room which was four floors below his. There I had the time to think about my actions and take a loooonnnng hot shower to calm my nerves. I then realized that what I was about to do would set me back IONS! It really would have nullified my whole current stance! I would have been set back light years…all courtesy of some Riesling, a smooth talking brother who knew what to say to make talk off my panties, and the undying audacity of hope for a relationship with a man who is no good for me. My break down was God's way of getting me out of the situation and I'm So Glad he assisted me!

"Standing in the front yard telling me how I'm such a fool, talking 'bout I'll never ever find a man like you….got me twisted!"

I have a very strict policy I like to call "Black Black No TAKE BACKS!" Kind of elementary sounding- I know, but that is the saying that sticks with me. After I am done with a relationship, I rarely ever go back. I refuse to say never, so I will leave it as rarely ever. With the EX and I, there was an obvious dysfunction in our relationship that will possibly remain forever if we decided to get together. That alone is a sign that we don't need to even flirt with the idea of indulging in each other's presence.

I can't lie and say that I was not itching to see him…I can't lie and say that I never hoped and prayed that he would change and get his act together, but I am realistic and intelligent enough to know that he probably hasn't. He is NOT irreplaceable. Never has been. I still love him, and may always- deep down in my heart…true love just doesn't evaporate. However, I don't want to be with him…I am enjoying The Dating Lane and I am well aware that he isn't the man for me.

As I got on the plane the next morning, I realized something. I wouldn't necessarily consider it to be one of my great epiphanies more than I would consider it to be just a simple light bulb moment: "You must not know 'bout me, you must not know 'bout me….I can have a BETTER MAN in a minute- matter of fact he's picking me up from the airport!"

My newest man of the moment, Bachelor #1 would be eagerly awaiting my arrival at baggage claim, with a cute little kid in tow. CC loves the kids! Just the thought of seeing them and spending the rest of the week with them, warmed my heart.

Lesson of the Day: Let sleeping dogs lie. There is no need for you to lay next to them. For what? To get up with fleas for no damn reason?! Got me TWISTED!

XoXo,
CC

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The EX-Files

Can someone tell me why men can’t seem to get enough of you once you’re gone?! It’s as predictable as the nightly news – somehow, someway you’ve never looked better, never felt better and never been wanted more until you are no longer theirs.

Since I’ve broken up with my ex-boyfriend, it’s like I can’t keep him away from me. He’s always sniffin’ around for sex. Always trying to spend the night. He claims that he even fantasizes about me. WTF?!? It’s not as if I’m not happy to take the compliment (insert – pat on the back). But let’s call a spade a spade…he had all this! Had it anytime he wanted it. Sad thing is that every once in a while, I go for it. I fall into it…literally! What can I say, a girl’s got needs!

But what I’m trying to figure out is why is it so easy for we women to look past everything we’ve been through with these fools and give them the goodies even after we declared to ourselves and the world that he doesn’t (and never did) deserve us?



Now don’t get all self-righteous on me and act like you’ve never done it. We’ve all done it. But no matter how you slice it…sex with the Ex is never a good idea! Speaking from personal experience…I know that sex complicates any situation and sex with an Ex just takes an already emotionally charged, overly sensitive situation and tangles it all up. Don’t get me wrong…it’s always so easy, so familiar and we’ve all had those moments of weakness when that vow of celibacy seems like the impossible task. And who better to have sex with than the one person who knows exactly how you like it, exactly what to say, exactly how to make you feel exactly how you want to?? Problem with this situation is that, again…in my personal experience, it’s never that simple. Nine times out of ten, you get the itch scratched but you’re left wondering, “now what?” “What does this mean?” “Are we seeing each other again?” Though you know you shouldn’t be with this person, it’s so easy to fall victim to the temptations of the flesh.

My warning ladies is to just say no to drugs! Seriously! Men are like that sometimes. Lust is like that sometimes. Like drugs. Just say no. In the long run you’ll thank yourself for walking away – completely. You’ll respect yourself for respecting yourself; for respecting your mind and your body and walking away from a relationship you’ve already decided wasn’t worth your time. And if you don’t respect yourself…than who will?

My closing thought…Honor Yourself!!!

XoXo,
Charmed

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What's Your Love Type?

Check out this article:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/personal/11/12/o.love.types/index.html

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The Thrill of the Chase

So, I went to a party last night, and found myself being pursued by all the typical types. You know who they are....absolutely the last guy you want to talk to at an event. For whatever reason, they always seem to find me! It's as if I put off a scent that says "Losers, old men, short guys and jerks, WELCOME!" But I digress....my point is, as usual, the one guy I'm actually interested in (and who seems to have an interest in me) never bothers to speak. The guy of the night was actually quite attractive and would have no problems with the ladies. I could have been imagining things but there was definite eye contact and even an occasional graze of the arm. So, I think it's pretty safe to say that my radar was right on, and this guy had a definite attraction to me. But somehow, I left the event with no more than an introduction. Now there are a few reasons why the guy may have not approached (of which I can't share) but when the coast was clear, he lingered but still kept a comfortable distance.


At this point, I'm sure you're thinking "maybe he's just not that into you!" And you could be right. But I'm a very attractive girl (or so I've been told) and like any woman, I know when I'm picking up "the vibe." Which leads me to the topic of this post: Have women and men evolved so much that men are no longer expected to make the first move or initiate conversation??? I mean, I'm all for "girl power" but it seems to me that things have gotten carried away. It's almost as if men expect women to put the moves on them! Call me old-fashioned but isn't it the guy who's supposed to come on to the girl? Isn't the man supposed to lead in the dance? Whatever happened to a guy coming over to simply say "hello, nice to meet you, i think you're beautiful, would love to get to know you better"?!?

Let me be clear here before you click send on the fiesty email you are planning to send. I see nothing wrong with a woman making the first move. If you see something you want, by all means, go for it. That's with anything in life. But, I'm just an old-fashioned kind of girl. I LIKE when an attractive man comes up to me and attempts to get to know me better. I have to admit that I like to be chased. And it's not about playing games, there's just a thrill in being pursued...in someone wanting to know you. Women's liberation and "girl power" (as it relates to the topic) is just not the same in this case!

Now I've heard that some men actually like to be approached, they find it sexy. And that may be the case for some, but I believe that once you change roles, you lose all power. You've given the guy the upper hand. He knows withought a doubt that you're interested so he doesn't have to work as hard. Most times he gets lazy. Where's the mystery? There is none.

Like I said earlier, I advocate women getting what they want and I'm not knocking you if you're into making the first move. So don't get your panties all in a bunch - it's just not my thing and I believe it messes up the natural order of things. And truth be told, I envy all the ladies out there who have no problem spotting a man they want to know better and making it happen. It's a brave move...one I will probably never be able to master. So ladies don't let me discourage you but for all my old-fashioned sistahs...I'll be right there with you...waiting for "the one" to make his move. Will the REAL MEN please stand up!

XoXo,
**Charmed**
(Contributor)

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Compliments or Insults?

I recently became reacquainted with a guy I’ve known since my college days. Our communication began initially via email, but soon progressed to sporadic phone calls and text messages. In the midst of one of our text conversations, he showered me with compliments and even stated that he didn’t know how he could have “slept on me for so long.” I jokingly agreed with him and said that obviously he didn’t realize the truth (about me) until recently, but it was better late than never. He concurred. That is where he should have stopped, but instead he kept going. He went on to say that he noticed me back in the day, but I wasn’t that hot then. He even went so far as to say that I am now beyond hot- I’m on fire.Those were his exact words. I sat there and looked at the message like “WOW” this guy has some guts. I tried to shake off my initial feeling of negativity that exuded from the text and simply replied back “Actually, I believe I was much hotter when I was younger, however I am more confident and sure of my hotness in my older age.” He responded “No. Trust me, you weren’t that hot. But now you definitely are and I think you know it.”


I had to pick up the phone and call him on that note. He answered ecstatically as if he was so excited to hear my voice. I shut him down real quick. “So, do you think what you just text me was a compliment?” I asked. “Of course,” he replied. “Well it wasn’t,” I retorted. “I am sure you had the best intentions when you made that statement. I would even go so far as to say that you just don't know any better. However, what you said to me was by far more of an insult than a compliment. You should NEVER tell any woman that you are just becoming acquainted with, that you believe she wasn’t hot at some point in her life. That statement is down right tacky and inappropriate. Anywho, I gotta go. Just wanted to make sure you heard what I had to say.” CLICK.

I know I might have been out of line to snap on ole boy, but I am so sick of guys who think they are saying smooth things, but are actually being incredible jerks. It is evident that he has probably used that line a time or two on some gullible female that was impressed to receive a compliment from a decent looking man. Well, I’m not that chick. It was more than necessary for me to put him in his place. I am confident that it worked. Since then he has texted me and called me to apologize and was emphatic about the fact that he didn’t mean his statement negatively. I am more than sure he will think twice next time he forms his lips to give the HOT chick a compliment.

One of my girlfriends just experienced the same kind of tactless truth. She was out at a party in Hollywood- the stomping ground of anorexics and bulimics. She was approached by a guy whose pick up line was “I like full-figured chicks.” He was DEAD SERIOUS. No smirk, no sign of sarcasm, no remorse. He really meant that as a compliment. Now don’t get me wrong, my friend knows she could never be equated as a skinny chick. She is curvy in all of the right places, but by no means the definition of a full-figured chick. And even if she were, that is something that you just don’t say to a woman that you just met. Who are these guys getting their women advice from? Their consultants need to be fired! Pronto!

Let this be a lesson to all of the men out there. Stick with the simple cliché compliments: you’re so beautiful; you’re gorgeous; I like your style; you have pretty teeth; your breath smells fresh…. Don’t try to be creative, because nine times out of ten you will end up with a foot in your mouth, and it just might be mine.

XoXo,
C.C.

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Going Dutch.

Does this term even still exist? Do people still go out on dutch dates with members of the opposite sex? I have never been approached by a guy who even suggested going dutch on a date. If I had, I would probably laugh in his face and then dismiss him politely.

"I ain't sayin' I'm a gold-digger, but I ain't messin' with a broke....."

I am well aware that going dutch doesn't necessarily mean that a man is broke. But to me, it constitutes his @ss being cheap as hell and shows that he isn't a Gentleman. I expect a lot out of my Gentleman Callers (all readers of The Glass Menagerie please stand up). And one of those things I expect is for his @ss to pay for the first few dates.

I am not the chick who believes that the financial responsibility of dating is solely the male's responsibility. I have been known to treat a guy a time or two if he has been good to me. I have a job and make a decent living, I can afford to do so. But first, he must show me a good time. He must prove to me that he isn't trippin' over spending a couple of dollars on a meal and some drinks. Shoot. He has to eat too. That's the least he could do. That brings me to share with you an experience I've had recently.



Here's the story: A girlfriend of mine (T) invited me and another one of our girlfriends (K) to meet her and her guy friends at a sports bar to watch the game. We accepted the invite since we didn't have anything else on our agenda, and proceeded to the spot to meet T and the fellas. To shorten a lengthy story, T was there with about (5) guys all of whom she knew but we didn't. They had already started eating (wings and fries) and had a few beers on the table. K and I were starving so we proceeded to order our own food since it didn't seem like they were willing to share.

The guys were pretty cool and things were going well.....until the check came. There were no separate checks, so the server put all of our orders on the same bill. Keep in mind, K and I came after they had already started eating and drinking, so we ordered food for the two of us to share and a couple of drinks. We didn't expect the guys to pay for our meal; after all we didn't even know them. But we never guessed that what happened would have happened.

Do you know that these fools started itemizing the bill! But wait, here is the kicker! They weren't even doing it correctly! They were going back and forth with each other about how much they were gonna give according to how much they ate. YES! Grown men itemizing chicken wings! One said he only ate two wings and drank one beer so he felt he should only have to give $10.00 and another one was like "I'm only giving $20.00 and I didn't even eat $20.00 of food", and then there was one who said he only had a water and that was free so he didn't owe anything...

K and I were stomped. We sat there in awe looking at each other like WTF?! Meanwhile T is acting like she is oblivious to what is going on, so it was my assumption that this was their common practice when bill time came. Never once did she come out of her pocket for a dime, but she didn't eat either- guess she just had a water too.

Before we arrived at the Sports Bar, K. and I stopped at the ATM to get some cash just in case we had to pay for our own food and drinks. Good thing we did. Even though she and I split an order of wings and fries and had our bill would've been about $30.00 total ($15.00 each), we each contributed $25.00. I refused to put up anything more, which was unfortunate, because the cheap @ss dudes we were with were still bickering over the check. That was our cue to go. K and I have such a vibe that neither one of us had to speak a word- we both picked up our handbags and headed for the door. I feel so sorry for that server because I doubt if she even got a tip. I was preturbed because the food was not that hot for us to spend $50.00 on. I would have rathered going somewhere I enjoyed as oppose to spending my money there.

Later that eve T called to tell me that her homeboys wanted to know why we left so early and didn't come with them to the after spot. I refrained from telling her the truth. I didn't know how to tell her nicely that her friends were cheap @sses that I don't choose to hang out with. She also made the mistake of asking me if it was OK for me to give one of the el cheapo's my phone number because he was interested in me. Was she really serious? Was HE really serious? Did he actually think he made a good first impression? HA HA HA HA HA! I told her to tell him that I don't date grown men that wear jerseys, and just left it at that. Really I don't. But even more than that....

"I ain't sayin I'm a gold-digger, but I ain't messin with no CHEAP......"

XoXo,

C.C.

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Mr. Mom

The older I get the more I have to deal with the reality that my HIM may indeed already come with some responsibilities. Long gone are the days where a woman must worry about her man taking care of his mom. These days, men have much deeper responsibilities....Offspring. If you are lucky, you may find one out there who only has one child. If you are really lucky, you may run across the almost non-existant few that have none. But, if you are anything like me, then you most often find the ones with a couple of kids and a couple of baby mamas.


I have made it a policy in the past to not date men with kids. It isn't because I have a great disdain for children, but it is because I am honest with myself. I am selfish. I like things to go my way, and when a man has a child, his child is his responsibility, not some chick that he is dating. With that being said, I never ever wanted to be the person to put a man in the horrible predicament of making a decision between me and his kids. That was never an option. I DO NOT respect men that don't take care of their kids, and I'm not just talking about financial responsibility either. I'm talking time as well.

I recently met a guy whom under general circumstances would be granted the elite status of Bachelorhood in my book. The one problem with this guy is, not only is he a father, he is a FULL TIME Father. A single parent. As in, no baby mama in sight! He is the sole provider for his kid. That is very admirable to me. But at the same time it is a slight turn off. Why you ask? Let me explain.


It isn't a turn off simply because he has a kid, but it is deeper than that. I am no longer that chick that dates men just for the sake of dating. I look at each date I have as an interview for Bachelorhood...which leads to an interview for Boyfriendship....which leads to an interview for Husbandom...which will hopefully lead to Happily Ever After (eventually). With that being said, I won't waste much time with someone who I don't think I am compatible with for whatever reason. The turn off is because I am looking at the bigger picture of things. I think about my single girlfriends who have children and the responsibility that comes along with those cute little crumb-snatchers. They can't indulge in a spontaneous vacation, or a late night rendezvous due to the fact that they have a child to make accomodations for- a prior responsibility. I think of my aunts, who haven't dated in years because they can't just up and go to the premier of a movie with a guy because their child has a recital or a football game that day. I think about all of those things and realize that, what I need in a Bachelor is more than he will be able to give. I will never be his priority. Ever. His child should always be in that #1 spot. I don't think that I am mature enough right now to deal with a man who is a full-time parent.

I am sure that many of you are out there shaking your head with a few four letter words exuding from your vocabulary wanting to tell me like it T.I. is....well save it, cuz I don't care to hear it. I'm just being honest. I have just gotten to the point where I am able to accept the fact that I may possibly have to have a ready made family, let along a full-time ready made family.

I don't have kids. I used birth-control for 10 yrs to ensure that I didn't have kids before I had a husband. I don't want kids right now. I am enjoying life without the responsibilities of another human being. Don't get me wrong, I love children. I have 4 little special crumb-snatchers that I would do anything for. But they have parents that I send them home to when I get tired of them, or when I feel like being spontaneous. I may be missing out on the best Bachelor out there do to my narrow-mindedness, but that's OK. I would rather back away now, than to get into something with him and then be pissed when he has to cancel our date cuz he forgot about the PTA meeting he had to go to for his kid.

XoXo,
C.C.

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Always Follow Your FIRST MIND!

Ever since I've become abstinent, I have been very careful about agreeing to dates that involve going to some one's house or allowing someone to come to mine. It just cuts down on unnecessary awkwardness, and it doesn't allow the opportunity for the moment to creep up on me. Yes folks, as you can tell, I don't trust myself alone with a man I'm attracted to. That can lead to the unknown, and I'd hate to be the tease. We've ALL been the tease before. U know the girl I'm talking about...the one who makes out with a dude, does all of the dry hunchin' and rollin' with him...even takes off her bottoms, and then says- "No, We Can't Do This," only to have him ask to just stick the tip in- whatever that means. We are grown @ss adults, we BOTH know that more than just the tip will be used....but I digress.


So, this dude (I won't dare to give him the honor of Bachelor-status) invited me out on a date. Let's call him Trey. I've been knowing Trey for about 8 months. we met through a mutual friend. Our initial outings have always consisted of group activities with our mutual friend and others. I wouldn't really call them dates. I could tell he was interested in me, and vice versa, so he finally got up the gull to ask me out.

The initial plan was for us to go to Dave & Buster's to watch the game on Monday night and play some arcade games. He swears he is a Pac-Man Pro. Whatever. He was supposed to call me at 6pm to set up a definite time for us to meet at the location. He called as scheduled, but he wanted to change the plans....see....he had to work the next morning, and he had to get up really early to go to work, so he wanted to know if I would come over to his house instead. He suggested that he would cook or order Chinese take-out and we could watch a movie. Hmmmmmm. Ya know ya girl was NOT feeling that at all!

My first mind told me HELL to the NO. But I didn't verbalize it, and instead I told him that I would call him back in a few minutes. My thing is this, he always knew that we were going to hook up on a school night; he always knew that he had to go to work early the next morning; he always knew that he had NO intentions on going to Dave & Buster's, so why suddenly spring this on me at the 23rd hour, 59th second?

Well, in true C'est Chic fashion, I ended up ignoring my FIRST MIND and went on ahead to his house. I got there around 7pm and planned to only stay for a couple of hours. I expected to walk in and smell the aroma of a home-cooked meal. SIKE! Nothing on the stove at the Apartments on the Park. :( I asked Trey what was up with dinner. He said that he was waiting for me to see what I wanted to eat from the Chinese joint. Sidenote-I don't do Chinese joints. If it isn't Pei Wei or P.F. Changs, then I am NOT gonna eat it. The only joint I will eat Chinese food from was NOT in this city. I didn't want to sound like a Prima Donna, so I just followed his lead and ordered the Happy Family (how can u go wrong with seafood). When the food came, it was the worsT! Yes worsT. The rice had peas and carrots in it, it was still white, and not tasty. I couldn't find the seafood due to all of the shrubbery. I looked up at Trey and he was eating that junk like it was the Last Supper!

Fast forward to the end of the meal. Trey took my half eaten meal and put it in his fridge. I followed him into the living room and plopped on the sofa in front of the plasma TV. I started surfing through the DVDs that were on the table in front of me. Trey cut off the light in the living room where I was and nodded his head toward the bedroom. UH UH! Why do we have to go to the bedroom? There is a perfectly fine television sitting right here...an expensive one at that. Why in the sam hayle do we have to go to the bedroom to watch a movie????

So do you all know what I did? Yep, I went into the bedroom, sat on the floor and waited for him to put on the movie. He took his time strolling around putting imaginary items in their places. I was giggling on the inside because I knew that he was trying to burn some time. After five minutes of nothingness, I took it upon myself to put the movie in the DVD player and started watching it. The movie was Alpha Dog. I've seen it before, but I wasn't gonna make a big stink. It was OK enough for me to watch it again. Trey didn't join me on the floor in front of the TV, instead he opted for the bed. I guess he thought I would hop up there with him, but he was sooooooo wrong. I sat my happy @ss right there on that floor in that big bean bag he doesn't use. He didn't have the courage to ask me to join him in the bed for whatever reason. Maybe he could feel the vibe I was giving- the vibe that said "I wish you would...." Eventually, he got off of the bed and joined me on the floor where he laid his head in my lap. Half way through the movie I began to hear some noises and they weren't coming from the TV. This fool had fallen asleep! The date had become POINTLESS! (As if it wasn't already). Oh uh uh!

I could not believe my ears. He was snoring so loud it was ridiculous. After the snoring had become so loud that I could no longer hear the TV, I started tapping him on his head to let him know that I was about to leave. This fool acted like he was in a coma. He did not reply. He didn't flinch even when I started lightly smacking him upside his head. Who sleeps that hard??? Really??? Who does that???

I hopped my happy @ss up from off of the bean bag letting his head plop into it. He mumbled something, and I said in a loud voice directly in his ear "Say bruh- I'm out!" He mumbled something else. I said it again and followed it up with "Come and walk me to the door." No reply. He didn't budge. I nudged him with my foot- no movement. By this time, I was a little annoyed and oh so ready to go. So I said it one more time "I'm leaving Trey!" Nothing. So I picked up my purse, put on my shoes, and left out of the house. I had to leave the door unlocked. It was a little after midnight by this time, and I was walking full force through the parking lot to my car. I got inside, locked the doors, and slapped the steering wheel.

This fool couldn't even get up for a second to lock his frickin' door! WTF?! Really homey, were you THAT tired? I haste to believe it. He was such a frickin' gentleman. The next day (or technically later that same day) around 5am I received a text to my phone....YES....a TEXT....not a CALL. The text said "Hey Lady, You made it home safely?" I never responded. Not even to this day. For all he knows I'm in the revene outside of his crib. Why does he care? Sleep was more important to him at the moment, my safety was no where on his personal radar. A-hole.

Moral of this story: Always follow your FIRST mind! A woman's intuition is the best thing God could have bestowed upon us. I will be the first to admit that God has given me a great spirit of discernment, and at times I allow my stupidity to override it. I am learning to hone in on those gut feelings and follow my first mind. Had I done so in this case, I wouldn't have been in the position to have to fake like I enjoyed some SARS infested Chinese food, nor would I have had to deal with him drooling on my brand new Joe's Jeans. Dry cleaning is expensive! Next time, no Dave & Buster's no DATE. Punk.

XoXo,
C.C.

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Bachelor #1

Bachelor #1: The Big Amazing Human (aka BAH)

The Big Amazing Human aka BAH is the man of the week. He is such a great guy so far and he is a true gentleman. He seems to have his life in a stable order, and is looking to settle down sometime in the near future. He doesn't give me the vibe that he thinks he is a pimp, nor that he is interested in running a heram. We have been going on dates now for a few weeks and we enjoy each other's company. He lives wayyyyy on the other side of town, so we often meet up at a mutual spot for some good wine and good convo. We both like to eat, so we frequent some of the best restaurants in the city to get our grub on.

Last night we went to dinner and a movie. At the night's end, he walked me to my car and I gave him a tight hug before I got into the driver's seat. See, this is the deal: This was my first REAL time hugging him even though we've been seeing each other consistently for a few weeks. The reason why is, I don't like to get too touchy feely...my flesh is still very weak, and I am really attracted to him. Getting touchy feely can lead to other things, and well, I just don't wanna go down that rode. So....the BAH hugged me tight....and....that's when I felt them.


YEP! He has MAN-BOOBS!!!!!!

Ok- so he is a really big man...tall and big. Not fat per-se, but definately solid...and I now know, that he has A-cups. WTF??!! I hurried into my car to call my girlfriend to let her know that my Bachelor of the moment has MAN-BOOBS! She laughed hysterically on the other end of the phone. Unfortunately, I didn't find the humor in it.

This is where I stand confused: So the dude has MAN-BOOBS, but I have a lil cushion for the pushin in areas that I don't care for...I'm not a size 2 stick figure, and will NEVER be. I have love handles and a couple of aging rolls here and there that I am working on getting rid of....BUT MAN BOOBS....that is so next level.

Am I being shallow??? Really...am I??? Would YOU date someone with MAN-BOOBS?

XoXo,
C.C.

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Abstinence

So...I have been abstaining from the tempations of the flesh. I have made a conscious decision to do so given the fact that I haven't been very lucky in love. I found myself becoming attached to men that I shouldn't or wouldn't have ordinarily been attached to, and when I looked at the most common factor in those relationships, aside for ME, sex was the common factor. I realized that the guys I did not give my goodies to (and trust me, they are goodies), were the easiest to get rid of and forget about. However, the ones that stuck their hands in the cookie jar, lingered around a little while longer.


See, I have realized in my older age that not only do I suffer from abandonment issues (I grew up without my parents), I also suffer from the HERO complex. I had a habit of thinking I was Captain Save-A-Hoe. Literally. I wanted to save and convert Hoe @ssed dudes. An impossible task. Really. That's why I was unsuccessful.

I also realized that I was so giving....I gave so much to relationships, especially my goodies...but often got nothing in return but a visit to the Heartbreak Hotel. So, after deep contemplation and consideration, I decided that I would save my goodies for the ONE man that deserves it, my "HIM" (honest incredible man). My HIM is the one GOD has pre-destined for me to be with. My HIM is out there somewhere, and I believe he is chillin in the cut with my single girlfriends' HIMs :)

Until he is revealed to me, I will continue to keep the Goodies Jar Sealed tight. Although matters of the flesh are hard to combat, I am willing to do so for the sake of my own happiness. Many ppl may not understand my stance, and that's ok- it isn't for everyone to understand nor agree with. However, I believe this is the BEST thing for ME. Follow me as I follow Christ.

XoXo,
C.C.

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GREETINGS!

Greetings!
First let me introduce myself....my name is C'est Chic! (C.C.)
I am a twenty something almost thirty something single female.
I am well educated, versatile, pretty good looking, and from what others say, I have a very unique personality. All in All, I believe that I am a pretty decent individual.

I decided to start a blog to chronicle the (mis)adventures in dating. Please sit back, relax, and be entertained by my stories of the underworld! Strap on your safety belts ladies and gentlemen as you embark on this back seat bumpy ride into the underworld we singles call dating. There are no traffic signals or warning signs, and potholes are frequent. However, occasionally we will embark on well paved grounds....but only for a moment :)


Occasionally some of my Partners-In-Dating will share their experiences and thoughts. **Charmed** will make sneak peaks, so be on the look out for her as she travels through the Dating Lane as well.

Please understand that these are simply our thoughts, experiences, and opinions. We may sometimes offend folks with our lingo, perceptions and assumptions. You must realize that reading our blog is a CHOICE and you can also to CHOOSE to exit and never return if we strike a nerve. We are protected by the 1st Amendment. Don't you just love America??!!

If you have a unique story to share, please feel free to send it to datinglane@gmail.com We reserve the right to edit and post submissions at our own discretion. Be sure to sign up for automatic alerts to your email address when we post new content (found on right side).

All stories are based on actual events that have taken place in our lives. Be sure to invite others that you think may enjoy our random rants about Life in the Dating Lane!

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