Is it me...?

Let's face it...it's always easier to see the faults in others than it is to see them in ourselves. Take this blog for example, most of these entries chronicle the absurdities C'est Chic and I encounter as single women in the dating lane. We put our "gentlemen callers" in the spotlight and pick apart their eccentricities one by one. Nothing wrong with that really. I mean...that's why we're here. But it got me to thinking and forced a bit of introspection on my part. I've been single for over two years now and haven't met any guys that I'd really like to know beyond the first date. So I have to ask myself...has the right guy just not come along yet or...is it me?

No one is without their issues. Like everyone, I'm full of my own set of "ways," hang-ups and habits. For instance, I've noticed that I have an old habit of hiding. Often times, I appear aloof or disinterested around men as a means of protecting myself. Though there may be nothing to protect myself from, I tend to put on a tough exterior....as a defense mechanism. I prefer for a guy to show his interest in me first. I'm very old fashioned in that way. I generally don't like when a guy thinks I'm interested in them because then I feel like they think they have the upper hand. And having the upper hand over me is something that I do not like people to have or more importantly, think they have. The tragedy in this way of thinking is that by appearing aloof and disinterested, the (potential) good guys don't feel comfortable approaching me and can you blame them? I probably wouldn't talk to me either! So, I'm determined to appear more friendly and welcoming.


As many of you girls know..this is scary for so many reasons. It's as if smiling or making split-second eye contact is an invitation to any and every man that catches it - and often that ain't a good thing! But I'm trying to turn over a new leaf and take a new approach to life in the Dating Lane.

In an effort to kick off this "new me," I decided that I would use last weekend as my pilot run at appearing more approachable and friendly. On Friday night, C'est Chic and I decided to hit the town for drinks and meet up with one of C'est Chic's gentlemen callers and some of his friends. This would definitely be the perfect opportunity to try something new. When we approached the fellas, I brightly smiled at one and said hello. He was very responsive and quickly tried to strike up a conversation. Problem was that he wasn't actually with the guys we were meeting. He just happened to be sitting next to them. Imagine how annoyed I was once I realized that I was chatting it up with a guy I wasn't physically interested in AND he wasn't even one of the guys we were there to meet. But, embracing my new attitude, I continued to talk with Brian and tried to keep an open mind.

We continued to talk and it actually wasn't half bad. Brian was a pretty nice guy and though I wasn't physically attracted to him, I enjoyed our conversation. Unfortunately, he thought our conversation was a lead in to more conversations in the future. I had to pass considering we lived in different cities and there was really no spark, just pleasantries. All that to say, I think I may be on to something. I'm just warming up and though I'm nervous that I'll end up fielding more duds than studs, at some point I may just smile at my Special Perfect One and start something special.

Charmed

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Dating Chronicles: Young Buck

You all remember me posting about the younger guy that I had met a while back- right? If not you can find the post here for background purposes. Baby Boy and I had been kicking it pretty hard during the past few months. He is temporarily living in a city near my home and has had lots of free time. And who better to share that extra time with than yours truly!

I can honestly say that in the past few months he and I have spent almost every day together. We have done many things- from attending art showings, to dinner and a movie, to bike riding in the park, etc. The list of activities go on and on and on. We had a ball with each other and there was never a dull moment. One day Baby Boy called me and told me that he needed to speak with me regarding something really important. That evening at dinner, he looked into my eyes and told me that he believed that he was falling in love with me. I was flattered. Even though the feelings weren't exactly mutual, I did enjoy spending time with him and loved him as a person. I wouldn't say that I was "in love" with him though. Sensing my reluctance, he assured me that I didn't have to respond to him saying that I loved him, but he just wanted to express to me his inner feelings. I wasn't going to jerk his chain like that anyway. We continued dinner that night and had a great time together as usual.

During the days that followed I became really busy. Swarmed with work obligations and general life activites, spending time with Baby Boy just wasn't on my radar. Two weeks had gone by, and I hadn't really noticed that Baby Boy had slacked off from his normal twice daily phone calls to almost none at all. Beyond that, we hadn't spent time together in weeks, so I called him just to check in and see what he was up to. We had a brief conversation and then he told me that he had wanted to talk to me....again. I told him to meet me at Barnes and Noble since I had to pick up a book for a project I was doing.



While we were at Barnes and Noble, Baby Boy broke the news...he was getting married. My first thought was "WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME??" God must be a comedian, because he is continuously playing practical jokes on me in the Dating Lane. He has a GREAT sense of humor! Too bad he's laughing alone, because I'm not amused.

Baby Boy went on and on about how he got "caught up" in dating me and that he enjoyed us spending time together. He said that he didn't realize how hard it would be to break the news of his engagement to me. Baby Boy thought that the right thing to do was tell me that he had asked someone to marry him. According to him, he proposed to the girl two days prior to our meet-up and that he had purchased her a 2 carat emerald cut diamond and platinum engagement ring. He even went so far as to say that he just knew I would love the ring.

I've been through this before- recently, so all of the talk had no affect on me at all. I continued rummaging through the shelves of books in search of the book I was looking for. I remained silent until he finished speaking. My response: "Congratulations?"

Yes, congratulations in question form. Was I supposed to be ecstatic for him and his engagement? Here we go again. Another guy who pulls a fiance out of the thin air. I was soooo over these moments. I came across the book I was looking for and proceeded to the check out counter. He insisted on paying for the book, and hey, I didn't attempt to stop him. We went our seperate ways and it wasn't until two weeks had passed that he called me again.

The first thing out of Baby Boy's mouth when I answered the phone was "CC, we need to talk". Goodness! I thought. How many more "talks" are we gonna have? What do we even need to talk about? Then he said the ultimate "When I told you that I was engaged, I lied." WTF??! The story went a little something like this: He had conjured up a fake engagement because he wanted me to "fight for him." Those were his exact words. He thought that by telling me that he was engaged, that I would return his sentiments of Love, and fight for the "relationship he thought we shared." He also said that it hurt him to his core that he told me he loved me and all I said was "Thank You." He talked for 10 minutes straight without a peep from my mouth. And then he asked me what I thought about it all.

Of course I revealed to him that he and I would NEVER be able to continue any type of friendship. I also let him know that I am not a crazy, jealous, young chick. I also let him know that him telling me that he was engaged was a turn off, not a turn on. I need not "fight for him" nor the "relationship he thought we shared." Because after all, there was no "us" nor was there a relationship. We were just kicking it...having bundles of fun. But now that will be no more because he lied to me and eliminated my trust for him. He said he understood, but he sounded devastated. I ended the conversation and told him that I hope the next time he really liked a WOMAN, he wouldn't mess it up with childish lies. I could have sworn I heard slight wimpering in the background. Was he crying??!! He abruptly ended our conversation and I haven't heard from him since. Thank God for small favors!

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All Mixed Up!

Networking websites such as Facebook seem to be the newest craze in the internet world. Imagine my excitement when I found out that my high school had it's own version site! It's like Facebook, but only for alumni and it is soooo cool and so addictive. There are so many people that I haven't seen or spoken to since high school graduation that are members. It's kind of like a high school reunion...via the internet.

Within the site, there are sub-groups set up with the intentions of linking former classmates that share the same commonalities. From sororities and fraternities, to career sub-groups...the list goes on and on. For added fun, there are discussion forums that enable the alumni to talk about "Long Lost Friends," "Will Obama Win the Election?" and my favorite "Secret High School Crushes."


I was pretty popular in high school, but I didn't have many boyfriends. Most of the guys at that time seemed to be more interested in the "fine girls" and the girls that were sexually promiscuous, so many of them were not interested me- the under-developed, proud virgin!Though we were always surrounded by guys, my circle of sister-friends often always found those guys to be strictly platonic friends. None of us had boyfriends until we were well into our junior year. However, that doesn't mean we didn't have crushes.

My ultimate crush was a guy we'll call Marc. Marc and I didn't really hang in the same circles as he was 2 years younger than I was. He was a jock and preferred the "fine girls" and frankly, upper classmen didn't hang with under classmen. I can count on my hand the amount of times he and I exchanged pleasantries, let along full fledged conversations.

So imagine my surprise when I browsed the "Secret High School Crush" discussion thread and read that he had a crush on me while in high school. I was so shocked! I replied to his post saying that the feeling was mutual and had I known he had a crush on me then, I would have made a move...or not. LOL. I was kind of shy in that aspect.

Marc and I began communicating via email ever since his revelation. Amidst discussion, it was revealed that he too, lived down south and is single with no kids. We had some things in common. As we got to know each other a little better, we realized that we are similar in many ways. I began crushing on him again.

About three weeks into our communication there was an event going on in our hometown that brought both of us back to the city. We agreed to meet up at one of the popular night spots so that we could have a drink and shoot the breeze face to face.

I wore my little black dress and my special event pearls. The red stilettos that adorned my attire provided just the right amount of "sexy" without going over board. I was ready! My sister-friend and I entered the party location and immediately began mingling. I spotted MT in the corner and immediately headed towards him to greet him. I approached him with the biggest, cheesiest grin on my face that I could muster. I tapped him on the back and he turned around and greeted me with a smile and let out an enthusiastic "Hi!" We engaged in a bit of small talk....the usual "You look great!", "How have you been?" blah blah blah...then he said something that took me by surprise. MT said: "Forgive me please, I know I know your face- but I can't remember your name." I looked at him confused. I said "C'est Chic" with a slight duhhhh in my voice. He said "that's right, that's right. You used to hang with Charmed and Chase and the whole good girl crew!" and let out a slight chuckle. I was confused. After all, we had been talking for weeks and had already covered this ground. Why was this guy suddenly showing signs of selective amnesia?

Then a friend of his approached us and called his name, and I suddenly realized that I had been communicating the entire time with the wrong person! The guy I had been talking to via email was not the guy standing before me at that instant! I had mistaken his face for someone else's name. He was actually MB NOT MT. MT was a totally different guy altogether. I was so embarassed.

I played it off for a minute, engaging in a few more minutes of useless chatter and then I excused myself to the ladies room in an effort to attempt to wipe the shit look off of my face. As soon as I turned around to head to the ladies room, I was stopped by a guy that looked vaguely familiar. He walked up to me with the most eager, toothy grin I had ever seen. It was the REAL MT. As in the guy I had been emailing back and forth for several weeks, thinking he was MB. He called me by my government name and then reached out to embrace me. I returned his hug and excused myself, telling him I had to use the restroom and that I would return shortly.

I called Charmed immediately upon entering the ladies room. I could NOT believe that I had mixed up the guys' names. I thought I had been communicating with my High School Crush, when in all actuality I was talking to a totally different guy! I really had myself in a pickle now. She laughed at me....hysterically. How was I ever to get myself out of this precarious position? And to top it off, my ego was also bruised. Not only was I talking to the wrong guy, but the right guy didn't even show me the slightest bit of interest. At least not until the end of the night.

After leaving the ladies room, I never saw the REAL MT again, but I ran into MB several times. At then end of the night as I was walking out of the party, he grabbed my forearm and asked if it was ok for us to exchange contact info. "Of course it's ok!", is what I was secretly thinking. If only he knew! The very next day we met for brunch and I just had to share with him the mix up. It was at that point that MB told me that he too, had always had a crush on me, but due to my age he was always afraid of approaching me. Who would have known?! Even if he was just saying that to make me feel good...I enjoyed the flattery.

My only problem now is, How am I supposed to tell the REAL MT that I had him mistaken for someone else- MB. What is the most tactful method of letting him know that I really didn't have the hots for him in high school afterall. How can I break the news to him that I had his name attached to someone else's face- in my mind? After all, the REAL MT is the person I have been crushing on lately due to his personality. I am such a sucker when it comes to tough talks like this. I hate confrontation and disappointment. Ladies, please advise! I would love to know how you all out there in blog land would approach this problem.

XoXo,

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Sex on the Beach

Charmed and I took some time out of our busy lives for a little R&R in the Mexican Riviera. We had a wonderful time...we are easy to please. Great food, wonderful company and even better cocktails make the two of us the world's most pleasant Bachelorettes!

During the few weeks prior to the vacation, we had a brief discussion about the possibility of meeting potential gentlemen callers. Charmed and I had pretty much convinced ourselves that there would at the very least be two handsome single guys that would be more than honored to meet our acquaintance while on vacation. Needless to say, we were both wrong.

On the final evening before our departure we decided to embark on an excursion: horseback riding along the beach and in the desert. Rookies to horseback riding, she and I didn't really know what to expect. But my experience was well beyond anything my vivid imagination could create.

The horse that I was given was a former race horse. He was a fine Stallion might I add. His bronzed hue was equally as beautiful as his long flowing mane. He loved to gallop and had a penchant for speed. I often had to make him "heel" because he would get carried away with galloping and at times make me feel as if I was going to fall off. The first half of the ride was beachside. The scenery was great, and as the sun set, the beautifulo range, yellow and red hues illuminated magnificently off of the Sea of Cortez.

During the 2nd half of the tour, our guide led us up a mountain. As we gradually inclined, I became overwhelmed by a tingling sensation. I'm not sure if it was the position that I was in as I sat on the horse, or if it was the fact that my cycle had just started. During my cycle, my hormones tend to go crazy! Whatever the cause, it didn't matter...I became engrossed with unfiltered thoughts that danced in my head. I was aroused.

Everyone knows that I've been practicing abstinence and truth be told, I am not a fan of masturbation at all. I would prefer a man to touch my body as oppose to me touching myself. However, the sensation that I was feeling at that moment was the BEST feeling ever. If that's what masturbation feels like, then sign me up now!

With each step the horse took, my body pressed up against its hard spine. My "area" hit the saddle in just the right way each time. I wanted to scream! I had to catch myself before I drifted off into a world that I shouldn't have been in! From that point on I had to focus hard on NOT thinking about how aroused I had become. It was HARD I tell ya! Just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore, the tour ended. I was saved by the sunset. Or was I?

I left the race horse behind that day, and decided to put good use to the electronic device one of my friends bought for me the moment she found out I was abstinent. Other than the namesake drinks I had when we first arrived in the city, horseback riding was the only method of Sex on the Beach that I experienced during this year's vacation! Insert long sigh here.

XoXo,

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Booty Call...or Not?

This week, I found myself in somewhat of a moral dilemma...booty call or not? Now considering my recent (insert cough - ah hmm) recent lack of male companionship, this should have not posed a dilemma at all. In fact, I'm really anxious to actually pick up some speed in the Dating Lane because right now I feel like I'm stalled! However, when I was propositioned by B the other night, as tempting as it was to drop everything and go to see him, I stopped myself and after thinking about it, I decided to opt out of the booty call.

B and I are not strangers. Over the last couple years, we've had a few flings. Yet despite an intense physical attraction towards one another, for some reason or another, we haven't actually had sex. And from the looks of it...we never will. It all began a week ago when one of my good friends ran into B when she and her boyfriend were out bowling one night. B was with a guy friend of his and was bowling in a lane right next to my friend and her boyfriend. Of course, my girlfriend called and started texting me immediately. She knows that I had a really big crush on B a few years ago and had to give me a full report on her running into him. So when my girlfriend and I went to dinner a couple nights later, I decided to call B to say hello. We talked for awhile and caught up on what's been going on in each of our lives. Later the same night, he called and asked me to come over to his house.


Though he didn't specifically tell me why he wanted me to come over, his intentions were very clear. I tossed around the idea for awhile (Lawd knows I wanted to slip on my sexiest bra and panties and run out the house with my overnight bag!) but after thinking about it for a minute or so I decided to pass on the booty call this time. For me it just didn't feel right with B. Like I said, we've never actually had sex and his approach just felt all wrong. I was actually kind of insulted that he thought it was going to be that easy. I mean...I'm not looking to date him seriously since I already know that's not the path we're headed down but I just felt like he could have had a less sleazy approach, especially since we've never "been together" before. Call me crazy but the least he could have done is pretended that his primary objective wasn't to get in between my legs. Shoot, I wasn't even requiring dinner and a movie! I mean I like honesty and a straightforward approach but show a little respect!

I guess what it comes down to is how you feel about the given situation. I'm all for a good booty call if that's what you want to do and still feel like you can respect yourself and your decision once it's done. But if there is any chance that you may feel used or not actually valued and respected, then I say take a pass. I assure you...the next booty call is always right around the corner!!

XoXo,

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