Snoop Doggy Dogg (not the rapper)

I went out on a date with this guy I have been conversing with for a few months. This was our first date technically since we live in different cities. It started off bad! He picked me up from the airport 45 minutes late! I despise that trememdously. When I called to tell him that my plane landed, he swore he was stuck in airport traffic, when in actuality, he hadn't even left his house! I could hear the bathroom echo! Just ugggghhhhh!

We went to lunch and then proceeded to his office to kill some time until I could check into my hotel room. I check my email and some other things on the computer on one side of the room while he sat on the other side watching television. The next 10 minutes or so, was very silent as I was doing my thing and he was doing his. I looked over to where he was sitting a couple of times and saw what appeared to be him texting. I though nothing of it initially, until I realized that the phone that he was texting from was actually MINE!


YES! This fool had my cell phone! When I realized it I calmly asked him why was he looking in my phone? He laughed and said that he made the mistake of picking my phone up on accident thinking it was his since we have the same phone. Problem with that excuse was, the moment he picked up my phone he would have been able to tell it was his since my screen saver was a personalized one.

Did I mention that this guy and I had only been communicating via phone occassionally and that this was our FIRST time going out? Did I also mention that he was NOT my man nor anything close to it? Can I also say that we barely hugged and definately NEVER kissed each other- but he was going through my cell phone?

To confirm my suspicions I looked in my phone and saw that he was going through my sent messages folder. He had been viewing the messages that I sent out to people and had gotten as far as messages from two weeks prior! I am more than sure that he had already viewed the messages that I received from others, after all, he had about 10 minutes to do so.

I asked him why he felt compelled to go through my phone, and do you know that this fool had teh audacity to tell me that was led to those messages by GOD who REVEALED to him that I was a liar because he saw that I was communicating with other dudes. The problem is, I never DENIED communicating with other dudes, so how was I a liar????? I was confused!

He also went on and on about how he wanted to see how I talked to other dudes and if I had sent any guys nasty text messages and also wanted to see if I was lying about being abstinent. He was convinced that my whole abstinence was a farce and that I was lying about that too since he found a text from me to telling Bachelor #1 how I enjoy sleeping next to him. I had to quickly put Snoop Doggy Dogg in his place and let him know that just because I slept in the same bed with a man does NOT mean I had sex with him. He couldn't believe it or undertand it.

I felt so violated by Snoop Doggy Dogg. I mean REAL violated! He actually didn't see how he did anything wrong and kept calling it a Revelation from God. He could not understand how what he did was deceptive and totally out of line. He did however admit that he assumed that I wasn't dealing with anyone, and I really didn't lie to him because I never TOLD him that I was dealing with anyone. Who does he think I am? Some lame chick that sits home alone every night and twidles her thumbs or knits an afghan? Please. I told him that I am an ACTIVE dater and even though I am fond of one of my Gentleman Callers, I am very single and still celibate. He still contends that he did nothing wrong by looking through my phone. Beyond that, I think it is so unattractive for a male to snoop through a woman's belongings. That is geigh.

I have played the snooping game before in a previous relationship, so I am not holier than thou. I was in a exclusive relationship with the person whose belongings I snooped through, and had reason to believe that he was cheating. I didn't want to continue assuming, I needed actual proof, so I went through his emails. That doesn't justify me being deceptive and nosey AT ALL, but it does make my actions a bit more plausible. Since then, I have declared to NEVER snoop again, because in snooping I found out some very hurtful information.

Snoop Doggy Dogg has been eliminated from the Dating Lane completely. His vehicle has been impounded and will never be released to its owner! He is gone for good with no chances of ever returning to the Dating Lane.

The lesson of the day is: SEEK AND YE SHALL FIND! If you feel the need to snoop....back away from the relationship completely or simply ask God for Revelation. Nothing good ever comes out of deception. True Revelation is accomplished through prayer. God is faithful. There has NEVER been a time when I asked him to reveal something to me, that he has failed me.


XoXo,
CC

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Out of Sight...Out of Mind??!!

Bachelor #1 and I have been seeing each other consistently for a few months now. We are together almost daily in some capacity and generally don't spend time holding phone conversations since we get the opportunity to spend time in person.

In the past few weeks, our time together has been interrupted by the normal rigors of life. Each instance has caused one or the both of us to be out of state for various reasons. The trips have lasted from one day to several days apart. I didn't realize exactly how much I enjoyed his company until we weren't able to be together. I found myself missing him incredibly. So, like any normal person, I reached out to him via phone. However, my calls were not promptly returned. Initially, I let it slide...but after the 3rd instance, I became alert.


Most recently we hit a snag in our courtship. After being apart for two days without any communication, I decided to reach out to Bachelor #1 and send him a text message.....no response. The next day, I called.....he didn't answer. Later that night he sent me a text saying "Hi" I replied....he didn't. I started getting frustrated. The next day I received a very dry phone call from him. The conversation was very contrived and uncomfortable. It almost seemed as if it were one of those "courtesy calls". In case you don't know what a "courtesy call" is, let me define the meaning:

Courtesy Call: When a guy you are dating and normally communicate with on a regular basis, returns your phone call ONLY out of courtesy- NOT out of the desire to speak with you. Generally this call takes place when he is pre-occupied with other female company and feels as if too much time has passed knows that you are probably wondering what the hell is going on and why he hasn't called.


So back to the story. The call I received the next day was eerily reminiscent of a courtesy call. IT wasn't laden with the normal enthusiastic voice that I have grown to become accustomed to. I didn't feel that out-pouring of affection or comedic laden voice that he generally exhibits. Instead, he seemed cold and calculated, dry even. I asked him if anything was bothering him and he re-assured me that he was just fine, but very tired since he had house guest all weekend. Hmmmm.....

I try not to jump to conclusions; I have no grounds to jump to conclusions. Especially since, while I was away I met and exchanged numbers with a few potential gentleman callers, and even went on a date with an ex-flame. However, I still made time to contact Bachelor #1 and let him know that I as thinking of him. He didn't seem very receptive nor did he reciprocate my actions. I am growing to feel as if when I am not physically present and available to sit in his face, I am not thought of. In other words: out of sight, out of mind. I am struggling to deal with the possibility that he is suffering from a lack of object permanence. After all, he is a grown @ss man- NOT an 18-month old; and I am a grown @ss woman- not an object.

I don't want to come across as a "needy" woman, however, there are certain things that I require from a person that I am actively dating. One of those things is consideration of my feelings. Another is a reciprocation of actions. I don't believe that either one of those, within reason, are too far fetched to expect. I simply want to be re-assured that I am thought of, and even possibly missed while we are apart for an extended period...and I believe it is only common courtesy to return a person's phone call in a prompt manner...especially if that's what you GENERALLY do.

Life in the Dating Lane can be sooooo darn complicated at times. During Rush Hour, things can get tough and traffic can stall. It is important to ask the tough question and be ready for the tough answers to avoid unnecessary traffic jams. Though I generally head for the next exit, I think instead this time I will take a few minutes out to specify what it is that I need and what I desire...hopefully it will be taken well and this bump on the road will be paved soon.

XoXo,
CC

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