Out of Sight...Out of Mind??!!

Bachelor #1 and I have been seeing each other consistently for a few months now. We are together almost daily in some capacity and generally don't spend time holding phone conversations since we get the opportunity to spend time in person.

In the past few weeks, our time together has been interrupted by the normal rigors of life. Each instance has caused one or the both of us to be out of state for various reasons. The trips have lasted from one day to several days apart. I didn't realize exactly how much I enjoyed his company until we weren't able to be together. I found myself missing him incredibly. So, like any normal person, I reached out to him via phone. However, my calls were not promptly returned. Initially, I let it slide...but after the 3rd instance, I became alert.


Most recently we hit a snag in our courtship. After being apart for two days without any communication, I decided to reach out to Bachelor #1 and send him a text message.....no response. The next day, I called.....he didn't answer. Later that night he sent me a text saying "Hi" I replied....he didn't. I started getting frustrated. The next day I received a very dry phone call from him. The conversation was very contrived and uncomfortable. It almost seemed as if it were one of those "courtesy calls". In case you don't know what a "courtesy call" is, let me define the meaning:

Courtesy Call: When a guy you are dating and normally communicate with on a regular basis, returns your phone call ONLY out of courtesy- NOT out of the desire to speak with you. Generally this call takes place when he is pre-occupied with other female company and feels as if too much time has passed knows that you are probably wondering what the hell is going on and why he hasn't called.


So back to the story. The call I received the next day was eerily reminiscent of a courtesy call. IT wasn't laden with the normal enthusiastic voice that I have grown to become accustomed to. I didn't feel that out-pouring of affection or comedic laden voice that he generally exhibits. Instead, he seemed cold and calculated, dry even. I asked him if anything was bothering him and he re-assured me that he was just fine, but very tired since he had house guest all weekend. Hmmmm.....

I try not to jump to conclusions; I have no grounds to jump to conclusions. Especially since, while I was away I met and exchanged numbers with a few potential gentleman callers, and even went on a date with an ex-flame. However, I still made time to contact Bachelor #1 and let him know that I as thinking of him. He didn't seem very receptive nor did he reciprocate my actions. I am growing to feel as if when I am not physically present and available to sit in his face, I am not thought of. In other words: out of sight, out of mind. I am struggling to deal with the possibility that he is suffering from a lack of object permanence. After all, he is a grown @ss man- NOT an 18-month old; and I am a grown @ss woman- not an object.

I don't want to come across as a "needy" woman, however, there are certain things that I require from a person that I am actively dating. One of those things is consideration of my feelings. Another is a reciprocation of actions. I don't believe that either one of those, within reason, are too far fetched to expect. I simply want to be re-assured that I am thought of, and even possibly missed while we are apart for an extended period...and I believe it is only common courtesy to return a person's phone call in a prompt manner...especially if that's what you GENERALLY do.

Life in the Dating Lane can be sooooo darn complicated at times. During Rush Hour, things can get tough and traffic can stall. It is important to ask the tough question and be ready for the tough answers to avoid unnecessary traffic jams. Though I generally head for the next exit, I think instead this time I will take a few minutes out to specify what it is that I need and what I desire...hopefully it will be taken well and this bump on the road will be paved soon.

XoXo,
CC