All I Need...

I make lists for everything....what to purchase from the grocery store, what Cd's to buy, things to do, etc. Each and every year at the beginning of the year I also make a list of the things I want to accomplish that year and ways I would like to better myself. This year was no exception. I hold myself accountable to these lists and if there is something that isn't "scratched off" I keep the list until it is.

So it should be no surprise that I have created a list of what my H.I.M would ideally encompass. The list I created has very few physical requirements, most are character traits. It is more important to me that I meet a man with integrity, morals and values than whether or not he has a goatee...BUT he can't be wearing a jersey :)

Each year I view the list I've created for H.I.M. and add to it or subtract from it. I never really subtract anything, but I have found that with each new year there is a new requirement. Some people have told me that my list is not beneficial, it is actually detrimental. To those people I simply reply "if you have no standards you will accept ANYTHING!" My list is simply about standards, the bare minimum requirements I expect in a person I incorporate in my life permanently. If I have lists and standards for myself, why wouldn't I have the same for my mate???

I am not alone in this practice. I have asked several women, married and single, if they had a list of requirements as well. It even shocked me to find out that several men do this too. I believe that it is a great way to keep an open perspective about your ideal candidate for marriage as well as it holds you accountable to dating quality men.

I don't have any unrealistic expectations....I am not asking for a 6'8 multi millionaire with hazel eyes and cold black hair....I don't expect to marry a man with an IQ high enough to rival Einstein. It isn't necessarily that he has the athletic ability of Lebron James or Peyton Manning. I won't go into a detailed explanation of my list or post it in its entirety, but in short, my list looks a little something like this:

1. Sense of Spirituality
2. Good relationship with mother and father
3. Ambitious
4. Financially stable
5. Family oriented
6. Trustworthy and honest
7. Successful in career and has clear ideas of career goals
8. Dependable
9. Sense of Humor
10. Educated
11. Pleasant personality
12. Quiet Confidence and self assurance

That is a short version of the characteristic list. The physical list goes a little something like this:

Over 5'10", without a belly or obvious bulges, would prefer tall dark and handsome :)
Can NOT wear jerseys unless going to a sporting event, and should not have locks.
STRAIGHT WHITE TEETH IS A MUST!
Clean finger nails that aren't nubs! I hate a nail biter.


Told ya I'm not really particular about the physical. Of course we all like what's appealing to the eye and aesthetically pleasing, but truth be told, looks are only a small part of the whole. I would love nothing more to have one of God's BEAUTIFUL creatures with the looks of Lamann Rucker, the body of Bryce Wilson, the height of Boris Kodjoe and a smile and dimples like Dwight Howard...but truth be told, sometimes what looks good to ya, ain't good for ya! So speaking from experience, the only major concern I have with a man's looks is whether or not he is leading the Million Short Man March and if he has good genes cuz ya girl wants cute and smart kids :)

However, what matters most to me is that I am blessed with a man that will be a good provider, a great father and the ultimate role model for my sons. I want a man with strength and tenacity so that he can the lead our household, while still respecting and noting my thoughts and opinions; I want a man that will make me laugh until I damn near piss in my panties, one who doesn't mind laughing just as hard right along with me; I want a man who loves God, cherishes his mother, respects his father and cares for his family- because without that, it will be hard for him to know how to love me and our children; I want a man who knows the importance of education and can stress that to our off-spring, but has a bit of hustle in him so that if times get rough, I can trust that he will do anything and everything possible to keep his family stable; I want a man that will create a legacy for our family, even if it means nothing to anyone else; I want a man that loves me for me, flaws and all. One who knows that I am perfectly imperfect, but still loves me unconditionally; I want a man who respects me totally, all of me- my body and my mind; I want a man that would stop at nothing to protect me from danger even if it means putting himself in harms way; I want a man that doesn't mind me wrapping my hair and tying it in a scarf at night because he knows that a sista has some Kizzy in her!; I want a man that motivates me to continuously be the best person I can be and at the same time is striving to be the best he can be as well; I want a man that has INTEGRITY! One that leads by example. One that believes in telling the truth even if it hurts, one that has my back at all costs; I want a man that is affectionate and showers me with kisses especially on those days that I feel defeated; I want a man who allows me room to spread my wings- and DO ME, but knows exactly how to reel me back when I've gone a little too far; I want a man that doesn't walk away from me when the going gets tough and when life's problems start to rear its ugly head; I want a man that will go to church with me, will get on his knees and pray to God in thanksgiving for everything we have and even what we don't have; I want a man that cherishes me and realizes my worth; I want a man that will be a great example of what a man SHOULD be for my daughters and how a man SHOULD act for my sons; I want a man who isn't afraid to try something new, to step out on faith and one that doesn't always play it safe; I want a man who isn't afraid to make mistakes, and when he does, one who is humble enough to admit them and even apologize; I want a man that isn't hung up on looks and realizes that even though I am a dime, there is so much more to me than the physical; I want a man that stimulates my mind and warms my body; I want a man that I can talk to about any and everything, one that is ok with being my best friend; I want a man that can get on his hands and knees and change a flat tire- or hell- one that will pay someone to do it if he doesn't wanna mess up his Armani suit; I want a man that accepts my desire for nice things and doesn't make me feel bad about my shallowness; I want a man that doesn't feel out of place when thrust into my big fat black southern family; I want a man who is aware of the power of the tongue, one who chooses his words wisely and doesn't hit below the belt; I want a man who is disease free, who doesn't have a bunch of illegitimate children and just as many baby mamas; I want a man that respects the covenant of marriage and is mindful of what the role of a "husband" requires; I want a man who isn't afraid to cry if that's how he feels, one that will wipe away my tears and know that they aren't a sign of weakness. But most of all I want a man that not only LOVES me, but LIKES and RESPECTS me genuinely and unconditionally. Because that very man, will get all of that and more when he gets me!