California Adventures: Life's A Beach!

I've known "Alabama" for over 5 yrs now, and though he and I never lived in the same city, we have always kept up communication and maintained an acquaintance-ship. I hadn't seen him in over a year, and when he got wind that I would be on the West Coast, he jumped at the opportunity to meet up with me since he too, was in Southern California at the time.

He sent me a message asking if I was still in L.A. When I replied yes, he immediately sent me another message that said "San Diego?" I texted him back, "Are you inviting me to San Diego? If so when?" He said "of course I am! I will be there this Thurs and will prob stay until Sat or possibly even Sun. Bring your swim suit." That was music to my ears. I had yet to make it to the beach since being out here, and my body was thirsting for UV rays. So the following Thursday, I packed a small bag that mainly consisted of flimsy summer dresses and a couple of swim suits in anticipation of my beach trip. I brought along a novel, and some info on the product launch from my company to read while basking in the sun. I was siked!

I was able to weasel my way out of a seminar and a few team building activities scheduled for Friday, jump into my rented car and embark on a road trip down the 101 heading South to San Diego. Armed with my trusty Ipod and a bottle of Evian, I was ready to roll. I updated the Tom Tom on where I needed to be....La Jolla, CA- baby!

I arrived shortly after 10pm. Even though Tom Tom told me it would take about an hour and 38 minutes, with the 101 traffic, it took me nearly 3.5 hrs instead. YIKES! A little flustered from the ride, my frown turned upside down at the sight of Alabama walking toward me in the parking lot. He greeted me with a huge bear hug and that mega-watt smile of his. He grabbed my bags and led me into the condo and introduced me to the three young men sitting on the couch. They were all called Coach so-and -so, which led me to believe that they were all colleagues.

Alabama was on a recruiting trip, which is the reason he was in Southern California. He accompanied by his grad assistant to seal the deal between his school's athletic program and one of their prospects. The other guys were coaches at the prospect's current school and had been friends of Alabama's from his college days.

They were waiting on me to arrive so that we could have a night out on the town. I ran upstairs, changed my clothes and joined them in the living room where they were discussing....sports. The only girl in a group of men, I eventually became comfortable as the night progressed. They were taking shots called Jäger-Bombs; Jägermeister and beer. I knew immediately that I would be the designated driver. The night went on and turned in to morning. We stopped to grab a bite to eat before stumbling in at 5am. Two of the guys never made it out of the backseat of the SUV; they spent the night in the truck.

Alabama woke me up at about 10am and told me to get dressed because the place we were staying in had been rented out for the weekend. I overheard him telling one of his co-workers the night before, that we would be relocating to the nearby Embassy Suites Hotel. So, I got up, took a shower and proceeded to put on my Happy Face (what I call my make-up application). Alabama came into the room to grab my bag and put it in the trunk of my car. I was assuming that I would follow him and the grad assistant to the Embassy Suites Hotel as they checked into the room that we were to stay in for the next night or two.

Seated in my car, ready to follow them, Alabama walks up to the driver's side window and taps on it. I rolled it down and he proceeded to lean in and give me a kiss. He said "Thanks for coming to see me, drive safely."
SCCCCREEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAACCCHHHHHH!!!!!!
"Huh?", I replied confused as hell. "Where am I going?" He looked at me and said "Back to L.A." I gave him a blank stare. He proceeded with "I mean, I'm going to hit the road to drive back home myself. We don't have a place to stay."

It turned out that the Booster whose condo it was that we stayed in the night before, had rented out the condo to a couple on vacation for the weekend. Alabama had just been told of the arrangements the night before, and had made no other accommodations for us to stay elsewhere. When asked about the Embassy Suites deal, he said that it was $300 a night and he wouldn't be reimbursed for it. I sat there in disbelief with him staring back at me.

After a few minutes of silence, I bid my farewell to Alabama, as I mentally prepared myself to hit the road. Here it was, a little over 12 hours since I had arrived, and I was about to get back on the 101 and spend another 3.5 hrs in traffic before making it back to L.A. WTF?!

Reading my facial expression, I am sure Alabama knew that I was PISSED. He looked at me and said "Don't tell me that it wasn't worth it," with a sly grin. I let him know very politely that, no one and nothing is worth such a turn around trip and the time I wasted. I took off a day, spent $100 plus dollars all to play designated driver for a night??? I think not!

I drove down the winding road in La Jolla lined with sandy white beaches and asked myself "Why are you leaving again?" After all, I had been looking forward to hitting the beach for days. I got on the phone, called my dad, and asked him if he could book me a hotel room at the Embassy Suites. I found a Wal-Mart, bought myself a beach umbrella and a towel and headed for the Beach!

I sat under the umbrella most of the day with my notepad and a pencil. I spent some time with myself re-evaluating my life and my (mis)-adventures in dating. It was very tranquil. I was able to create several goals for myself, both long-term and short-term. But most importantly, I was able to reflect on my worth and my value.

One of the most important lessons that a father can set for his daughter is the standard by which men should treat her. It is through her father, that a woman learns what to accept and what not to accept from men. It is by his example that she sees the way a man is supposed to interact with a woman he is dating or married to. Because of the example that my father has set for me, I know that if I was not worth a simple $300 hotel room to him than he is NOT a man that I should even be associated with.

I am not a prima-donna, but I know how a man is suppose to treat me. My dad has taught me that if a man can't do what he has done for me or better, than I have no need for said man in my life. I understand that the economy is bad and people don't have as much cash flow as they need to. But I also understand that it is about simple communication. Had Alabama come to me shooting straight from the hip about the accommodations, then I would have been able to tell him that my father was an HHonors member and enough points for us to have a free hotel room for a couple of nights. But instead, he chose not to say anything and assume that I knew we had no where to go.

I spent the night in La Jolla and woke up the next morning to hit the beach for a final time before getting back on the road. Though the trip didn't end up the way it was planned, it had a much better ending. I was able to see Alabama's true colors, but most importantly, I was able to spend some time with ME.

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Workplace Fling!

For as long as I can remember (even before I held my own), I've known of the supposed taboos of dating co-workers. When I was younger, I remember watching shows or hearing family members discuss how office trysts always seemed to end in a mess for everyone involved...and even those who were not. So, when I joined the workforce, I promised myself that I would do my best to never cross that line. Well...that was until...Devon came along!

Generally, dating co-workers or even being tempted to date co-workers never really posed a problem. You see...I work in the fashion industry, which means there are lots of women and lots of gay men. Encountering a straight, overtly masculine man where I work is a rarity. So much so that when one does come along, he's generally swooped up by some lady in waiting! On top of my work environment consisting predominately of women and gay men, it's also very "race neutral" (for lack of a better phrase). By "race neutral," I mean that there isn't a lot of diversity where I work and meeting the "type" of men I like at work is likely to never happen. So..with all these "obstacles"... a girl should feel safe, right?

Wrong!

Imagine my surprise when I'm sitting at my desk, furiously focusing my attention on a very hot project. when I notice Devon standing in the hall talking to a co-worker. Just the sight of this straight and VERY sexy man wouldn't allow me to pull my eyes away! I'm embarrased to admit this but it's been a LONG time since I've seen such a fine specimen as that! Let alone one in my workspace! It took a second but once I caught myself starring, I turned my eyes to my computer screen and realized that I was not looking my fiercest today! I'd had a restless night's sleep and just threw myself together that morning. I immediately grabbed my make-up bag and ran from my desk (in the opposite direction) to the ladies room to make myself somewhat presentable. When I came out and was walking to my desk, I find Devon and another co-worker making rounds near my desk. My co-worker was introducing Devon to the team. As they approached my desk, my palms got sweaty and I tried my damndest to pretend not to even notice him there. When they finally made it to my desk, I was poised and ready to present myself in a professional but sexy way!! As they walked up, I crossed my legs and swung my chair around. And this could be expressed as the beginning of the end!

The minute we laid eyes on each other, it was obvious that there was a strong physical attraction radiating from both sides. We shook hands for what felt like 5 minutes and as Devon walked away, I noticed him turning back to check me out!! I felt like a 15 year old all over again. My heart was racing and I jumped on the phone to call C'est Chic as soon as I could. And of course she warned me of all the issues with dating a co-worker but encouraged me at the same time. In that moment, I decided that I wouldn't persue the situation but would let things run their course. And run...they did. On my way out the door, I ran into Devon in the stairwell. He stopped me and mentioned how excited he was to be working with me. He went on to ask me to lunch to talk about our company. He wanted to talk with someone about how he could succeed in his new job. So, being the polite and friendly person I am, I agreed to lunch the next day.

Lunch turned into dinners and before long, Devon and I were hot and heavy. We were spending nights together and even went on a weekend excursion together. Everything was going fine until we actually had to work on a project together. As the project manager, I was responsible for the ultimate success or failure of our project and it was my responsibility to lead our team. Needless to say, that didn't go over well with Devon. This confidant, charming, sexy man that I once knew was out the door!! Within days of starting the project, Devon turned into a difficult and bratty team member. Once I had to give him feedback on a piece he put together and he was not having it. He became very ugly with me and even went so far as saying that I was only giving him this feedback because of an argument we had a few nights earlier. Working with Devon was hell!! So much so that any time we spent outside of work was strained and unenjoyable. By the end of the project, I didn't even see Devon with the same eyes. He'd turned from this beautiful man into a monster! So with the end of our project came the end of our relationship and friendship. I moved on from my job shortly after for a better position at a competitor. With the move I took many professional learnings...but the most valuable was definitely...don't date co-workers!

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Friend Shady!

About a year ago I was dating this guy who we shall call "Harlem". Harlem and I dated for a few months before the relationship dissipated. We parted ways amicably; he was a nice guy, but just not for me. In the midst of our dating, I introduced him to one of my good girl-friends. They ended up hitting it off and eventually exchanged contact info. Their intentions were never to hook up, at least I don't think the intentions were, more than just that of a big brother/little sister type of friendship. I had no idea until recently that they were still in contact with each other.

Said good girl-friend was moving into a new home and as I was there in my Aunt Jemima housework-clothing assisting her in moving boxes inside her new abode, she casually made mention of "Harlem" being en route to tour the new digs. I was caught completely off guard. I was in no shape to anyone, let along one of my exes! I make it a point to always look fresh-to-death when in the presence of someone I used to date! Before I could meander my way to the front door and break out of that joint before Harlem appeared, the doorbell was dinging.

For the first time we had seen each other since our mutual parting, I was NOT on point. He gave me a slight once over as I stood there in sweats and a baseball cap, and let out a loud roaring laugh. "You look like you're about to go and stick up a bank!", he commented referencing my all black attire. I simply rolled my eyes.

I could not believe that said good girl-friend had set me up like that! I was not a happy camper. After a few pleasantries were exchanged, I excused myself and left the house in search of some solitude. Later that night, I called good girl-friend and expressed my thoughts. "I am not adverse to you and Harlem being cool, however, when he is going to be in MY presence, can you give me a better heads up? Matter of fact, would you mind making it so as to where he and I never really have to cross paths in a comfortable setting- such as your home, unless it's for a gathering of some sort?"

Was I asking to much? I simply wanted a heads up. I expected her to give me advance warning when Harlem would be in my presence so that I could make the executive decision on whether or not I wanted to be there. I didn't feel as if that was too much to ask of her.

Weeks passed by and several other networking events put Harlem and I in each others presence due to good girl-friend as the common denominator. I was growing more and more annoyed, but decided not to make mention of it again. As these events took place, Harlem and I began casually flirting with each other, and even scheduled going out on a date or two. After all, we did enjoy each others company, even if we had no intentions of becoming exclusive.

Especially due to the fact that Harlem and I started recreationally dating again, I told good girl-friend to NOT invite him to our inner most personal get togethers. Trips to the gym, Friday nights on our rented party bus, and bar-hopping should NOT be an open invitiation for Harlem given by good girl-friend. She did not oblige.

A few days ago I was sitting on my couch when the door bell rang. In walked good girl-friend along with a female relative of hers and Harlem. It eventually came out that Harlem and the female relative had just gone out on a date. He was obviously uncomfortable, and left my house almost as soon as he walked in. I played the role of the good hostess and entertained the company for a short amount of time. After they left, I was FUMING!

How could good girl-friend find herself comfortable enough to not only hook up her cousin with my ex (of whom she KNEW I had started seeing again) BUT invite them BOTH to MY home???? The audacity! And when I brought this to her attention, she down-played my feelings about the situation. I attempted to put the shoe on the other foot and she waved it off as me just having a bad day- and said that I needed to calm down and get a life. "Seems to me like you still have feelings for Harlem." she said coyly as she exited the front door. "Actually, I don't. However I think that what you are doing is classless and distasteful." I responded. She told me good night and then exited the premises.

Am I over reacting to this? Do I have the right to be very disappointed and upset with MY friend for playing match-maker with MY ex and her cousin???? Isn't that shady???

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California Adventures: Accosted by Suge Knight

So guys, I have been blessed with the opportunity to embark on a one month stay in LA-LA Land! I love this place, and mostly everything about it- except for the pretension. The weather is gorgeous and the dining and fashion are on point! But the Dating Lane here kind of sucks. I will be bringing you a segment as often as I can, called "California Adventures" as I chronicle my month's long experience in the Dating Lane on the Santa Monica Freeway.

My friend Cali Girl and I decide to go to PF Changs in the Beverly Center for dinner Friday night. She was complaining about being tired, as we had been up and at it with no break since before six that a.m. It was well after 10p.m. and we were just getting a chance to sit still for a moment. In true dramatic Cali Girl fashion, she rested her head on the table as I watched on looking at her with the side-eye cuz she was looking silly as hell. I immediately told her to stop crying and drink up. The dirty martini sitting in front of her would loose its potency if she kept baby-sitting it. (Not really, but I was just trying to inspire her to drink). Suddenly, I noticed a shadow hovering over us. I looked up and damn near pissed in my panties; it was Suge Knight peering over us like the Jolly Green Giant. Yes! THE Suge Knight of the "maybe he set up Tupac to get killed" fame; the same Suge Knight from the "slap a hoe tribe"; mmm hmmm he of the "Bloods gang." THAT Suge Knight. I was suddenly extremely uncomfortable. Just his mere presence was a bit overwhelming.

Cali Girl raised her head up from its cradled position on the table, looked up at him and said hi. He asked her if she was really crying and why. She responded by saying that she wasn't actually crying, she was just exaggerating and was really tired. He attempted to make small talk with us and then went about his business and I assumed back to his table. Cali Girl and I looked at each other and she mouthed "Time to go!" I couldn't have agreed with her more. We got up from our table and made a b-line to the restaurant's exit. There is only one way in and one way out of the place and I guess Suge must have seen us heading for the door, because out of no where, he came and blocked the walkway. I tried to maneuver around the side of him through a tiny opening, but he turned his body in such a way that he blocked the opening and prevented my ability to pass through. He kept saying "hey hey hey where ya'll think ya'll runnin' off to?"

I was eye level with his belly -that's how damn big he is! I decided to play nice and entertain him for a second in hopes that he wouldn't click out and go into the crazy Suge role that he is infamous for. He asked us about our plans for the rest of the evening. After we explained to him that we had been working the entire day, and were going to call it a night, he opened the path and allowed us freedom to move toward the door. We were not in the clear though. He was still on our heels, following us and bumping his gums. I stopped short of the exit because I did not want him to follow me to my car. He began saying how he wanted us to hang out with him and his crew. We politely declined, stating fatigue as the contributing factor. After several minutes of useless back and forth banter, he finally relented and agreed to let us go; but not without demanding that we hook up with he and his crew the next day. He made it clear that he wasn't taking no for an answer.

I've heard so many horror stories about Suge and his interactions with females that I felt obliged to entertain his request to exchange numbers. He whipped out his phone and asked us both for our phone numbers. I looked at Cali Girl and she hesitantly began mumbling the digits to her CORRECT work cell phone number. My plan was to give him a fake number. Hell, I wanted no parts of Suge AT.ALL. However, that plan changed once he stored her number in his phone and proceeded to call it. I was thinking to myself "oh shit!" Good thing I didn't go first! He said he couldn't hear her phone ringing. That was because her phone had been in her purse, powered off. Keep in mind, we were now standing in the entry-way of the restaurant (he was blocking the doorway mind u). People were giving us the side eye as if we were nuts since we were posted in such a heavy traffic spot.

Just when I thought that we were going to be able to escape, Suge beckoned for one of his homeboys to come over. From the table of 6 guys, one of them walked up to us. It was Petey Pablo (or whom I am assuming is Petey Pablo). Petey Pablo of the "Freek-a-leek" rapping fame. My first thought when he approached me was "You shole is ugglllllyyy!" He had diamond things in his teeth and it made them look like they were rotten! He wanted to know our occupations and when we told him our career titles, Suge exclaimed "oh they some educated women!" I guess it is safe to assume that they aren't surrounded by many women with "careers" on a regular basis.

Suge, in an obviously intoxicated state, started running his fingers through my hair. My body became even more stiff (as if that was at all possible). He continuously commented on how beautiful it was and how I "got good long pretty hair and don't have no tracks either." Of course he had to question the authenticity of my eyes and was completely amazed when I said they were real. Did he actually expect me to say "no, they ain't real, just real good contacts." I mean, what if they weren't?! What difference does it make? Do guys realize that asking questions of that nature are inappropriate? It's almost like me walking up to someone and saying, "hey those your real teeth or are they dentures?" Or say "girl that's tracks in your head?" I mean, for real, give me a damn break!

A few more uncomfortable minutes and a little small talk later, I began to feel really anxious and was too ready to get the f out of there. He insisted that we call him the next day so that we can go out with them and then offered to walk us to our cars. I assured him that we were more than capable of making that trek by ourselves. Hell, we were MUCH safer walking alone than with his ass! He told us to call him when we got home to let him know we made it there safely...yeah right! We bolted for the door and walked so damn fast to the escalators! There were two guys that had left the restaurant a couple of seconds before we did and had witnessed most of the ordeal. One of them turned around and asked us if we were scared with a stupid smirk on his face. He then tried to reassure us that he was looking out for us by saying that they wouldn't have let "nothing go down." I looked at that pip squeak and thought to myself "fool, you are no bigger than I am, Suge would have knocked your tale out with one swat!"

I was really intimidated by Suge. He is a very intimidating presence. I felt obligated to confer with the small demands he made to give him our info. I couldn't play him like I tend to do some of the worthless guys that step to me. Shit this dude killed Tupac, he wouldn't be scared to kill my lil ass (I know it's a bit far-fetched, but hey, it's me what did u expect). Men don't like their ego bruised so we had to let him think we were cool. I blame Cali Girl for the fiasco and for getting us harassed. If it weren't for her theatrics he probably would have never paid two bits of attention to us. Needless to say, he hasn't called us, and we definitely won't be calling him.

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Dating Chronicles: Baller on a Budget aka BOB

I wrote a post yesterday about the guy I call Baller on a Budget or BOB. By popular demand, I have decided to chronicle one of our dates.

For the purposes of this story we will call one of the major players in this story, one of my good girl-friends, Kelsey. Kelsey and I had just finished complaining about our 1st of the month blues...every bill under the sun was due at the 1st of the month for she and I. With that being said, in order for us to remain fiscally responsible, self-funded recreational activities had to be scaled down a bit until mid-month. Later that same evening I received a phone call from BOB inviting Kelsey and I to a popular adult entertainment spot in the city. I accepted, after all, BOB and I hadn't hung out in a while and I missed him. I was to be leaving town soon for work and wouldn't return to the city for at least a month. BOB had a friend visiting and he wanted to show him a good time. So we set up a time to meet up later that evening.

I joked with Kelsey about how we should probably eat and drink at my house so that we would avoid having to spend money. I know how BOB rolls, and being that he is a Baller on a Budget, I wasn't convinced that the entire date would be funded by he and his comrade. So that's exactly what we did. I cooked dinner, made my special cocktail and we set out to meet up at the spot with BOB and his friend.

The night started off at the bar, where, surprisingly BOB picked up the tab. "Cool," I though to myself. Then he left the bartender a tip...$2.00; which was less than 10% of the total bill. WTF? In an effort to not emasculate him, I went in my purse and put up 3 additional dollars (the last of my cash) when he turned away from the bar. Kelsey was watching the entire time.

The night progressed and BOB's friend picked up the 2nd round of drinks. We were all having a good time. There were no sparks between Kelsey and the friend, but they got along pretty well. We made our rounds throughout the entertainment spot and decided to go to another section. Upon entering said section, I offered to pay for a round of drinks, and of course that offer wasn't declined. As we walked to the bar Kelsey told me that I was out of line. I figured it was the least I could do. Me, being the Captain Save-A-Hoe that I am, thought that it was only appropriate to do so since no one else was making an effort, and we all needed drinks! So to the bar we went, and to the bartender I paid. It wasn't THAT expensive, but I did indeed buy a round of drinks. Kelsey, well, she made no effort to go into her purse.

At some point BOB made a mention of ordering shots. When I noticed that there was talk about exiting the place, I asked BOB "What happened to the shots?" He looked me dead in my face and said "no more money left." Ok! How about that for honesty?! LOL. We ended the night soon after and we departed in the parking lot and went our separate ways.

As I was driving home that night I thought about something. The entire week I hadn't seen BOB, but I had eaten out and gone to several happy hours and spent not one dime. Every time I went out, I went out with a man who had no problem picking up the tab and would have cringed at the thought of me putting up $1 toward the meal or buying one round of drinks. So why was I now in a situation where I not only bought a round of drinks for BOB and his friend, but, I was also in the very awkward position of not being able to make the most of the night because I was worried about how much I would cost him. Though I enjoy his company, it's beginning to be a burden.

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Should broke men date?

I must extend sincere apologies to my faithful readers who have been wondering what the hell is going on in The Dating Lane. There has been some serious bumper to bumper traffic which led to quite a few fender benders, but for the most part, additional life responsibilities have gotten in the way of me chronicling my dating experiences. But please believe they haven't ceased! I have tons of blog fodder!

So, I met this guy; a really nice guy. Charming, well-educated, handsome and ready for a relationship. He and I have been acquainted for quite a few months now and have been kicking it hard. The down fall? He's broke. And he knows it.

He isn't your ordinary broke dude though; he is one with potential. He is a student and soon he will be making mucho dinero. But for the time being, he's a baller on a budget....a SERIOUS budget. Here is where the problems lie. Being that he is a baller on a budget, should I be understanding of his financial woes and reach for my pocket book when the check comes, or should I reach for my pocketbook and walk out of the door?

We've been on quite a few dates, each of which I've contributed financially to in some form or fashion. From paying for parking to buying a round of drinks- I almost feel obligated to do so. After all, I have a pretty decent job and make good money, and he is- well- a student.

Should men with financial problems date if they can't afford to?

If you're a faithful reader of this blog, then you know my position on going dutch. I don't believe in it. I despise it. Most of you know how I feel about men not being men and not treating on the first few dates. But I think I've become weak :( I see the potential in this young man, and I understand his struggle. I sometimes feel as if I must contribute to our date when we're out. Why? Well, because I have a job and he doesn't. And frankly, I don't want him to feel as if I'm using him for a meal or some drinks. As I stated, I like him.

One of my good girl-friends and I were discussing this and she opposes my outlook. Though we don't agree on my position, she had a valid point. She told me that I should not settle for him even if I see his "potential" because I am far too old to be dating "potential". I do concur with that statement, however I feel as if his financial situation is less than 20% of the issues we have. Well, that and his lack of aggression- but that's another blog for another day.

This moral dilemma has definitely been rearing its ugly head as of late. I have found myself going out on dates with other guys who will foot the bill, only to diss them soon after the meal and a few cocktails to go and hang out with Mr. Baller on a Budget- at his apartment. I have definitely been a user. Hell, going half on a date has become quite expensive!

I have never dated a dude with financial problems. Even in high school, my bf at the time was a college student who waited tables in a popular restaurant. At a young age I was dining out at his expense on a regular basis. My post college bf was young, rich and fabulous and would never have cringed at the thought of letting his lady pay for anything. So, I'm pretty spoiled. I also have a doting father, who took my sisters and I out on a regular basis to 5 star restaurants. My dad (to this day) is the epitome of a MAN and instilled in us early on that if the man in our lives couldn't do as he did for us or better, we had no need for said man. He set the standard by which all men were to follow. On the flip side, my mother did support my father throughout his days of law school, as she had already gotten her post graduate degree and was the bread-winner at the time. However, they were in their early 20s too.

So as you can see, I am so conflicted! I don't know the right answer to this. Should I stick it out and continue to date him, even though we can't really date because of his financial situation? Or should I drop him like he's hot and move on without "wasting my pretty?" I'd love to hear your opinions on this matter.

Have you ever dated a baller on a budget? How would you handle the situation if you were me? Is this entire top shallow to you?

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