California Adventures: Accosted by Suge Knight

So guys, I have been blessed with the opportunity to embark on a one month stay in LA-LA Land! I love this place, and mostly everything about it- except for the pretension. The weather is gorgeous and the dining and fashion are on point! But the Dating Lane here kind of sucks. I will be bringing you a segment as often as I can, called "California Adventures" as I chronicle my month's long experience in the Dating Lane on the Santa Monica Freeway.

My friend Cali Girl and I decide to go to PF Changs in the Beverly Center for dinner Friday night. She was complaining about being tired, as we had been up and at it with no break since before six that a.m. It was well after 10p.m. and we were just getting a chance to sit still for a moment. In true dramatic Cali Girl fashion, she rested her head on the table as I watched on looking at her with the side-eye cuz she was looking silly as hell. I immediately told her to stop crying and drink up. The dirty martini sitting in front of her would loose its potency if she kept baby-sitting it. (Not really, but I was just trying to inspire her to drink). Suddenly, I noticed a shadow hovering over us. I looked up and damn near pissed in my panties; it was Suge Knight peering over us like the Jolly Green Giant. Yes! THE Suge Knight of the "maybe he set up Tupac to get killed" fame; the same Suge Knight from the "slap a hoe tribe"; mmm hmmm he of the "Bloods gang." THAT Suge Knight. I was suddenly extremely uncomfortable. Just his mere presence was a bit overwhelming.

Cali Girl raised her head up from its cradled position on the table, looked up at him and said hi. He asked her if she was really crying and why. She responded by saying that she wasn't actually crying, she was just exaggerating and was really tired. He attempted to make small talk with us and then went about his business and I assumed back to his table. Cali Girl and I looked at each other and she mouthed "Time to go!" I couldn't have agreed with her more. We got up from our table and made a b-line to the restaurant's exit. There is only one way in and one way out of the place and I guess Suge must have seen us heading for the door, because out of no where, he came and blocked the walkway. I tried to maneuver around the side of him through a tiny opening, but he turned his body in such a way that he blocked the opening and prevented my ability to pass through. He kept saying "hey hey hey where ya'll think ya'll runnin' off to?"

I was eye level with his belly -that's how damn big he is! I decided to play nice and entertain him for a second in hopes that he wouldn't click out and go into the crazy Suge role that he is infamous for. He asked us about our plans for the rest of the evening. After we explained to him that we had been working the entire day, and were going to call it a night, he opened the path and allowed us freedom to move toward the door. We were not in the clear though. He was still on our heels, following us and bumping his gums. I stopped short of the exit because I did not want him to follow me to my car. He began saying how he wanted us to hang out with him and his crew. We politely declined, stating fatigue as the contributing factor. After several minutes of useless back and forth banter, he finally relented and agreed to let us go; but not without demanding that we hook up with he and his crew the next day. He made it clear that he wasn't taking no for an answer.

I've heard so many horror stories about Suge and his interactions with females that I felt obliged to entertain his request to exchange numbers. He whipped out his phone and asked us both for our phone numbers. I looked at Cali Girl and she hesitantly began mumbling the digits to her CORRECT work cell phone number. My plan was to give him a fake number. Hell, I wanted no parts of Suge AT.ALL. However, that plan changed once he stored her number in his phone and proceeded to call it. I was thinking to myself "oh shit!" Good thing I didn't go first! He said he couldn't hear her phone ringing. That was because her phone had been in her purse, powered off. Keep in mind, we were now standing in the entry-way of the restaurant (he was blocking the doorway mind u). People were giving us the side eye as if we were nuts since we were posted in such a heavy traffic spot.

Just when I thought that we were going to be able to escape, Suge beckoned for one of his homeboys to come over. From the table of 6 guys, one of them walked up to us. It was Petey Pablo (or whom I am assuming is Petey Pablo). Petey Pablo of the "Freek-a-leek" rapping fame. My first thought when he approached me was "You shole is ugglllllyyy!" He had diamond things in his teeth and it made them look like they were rotten! He wanted to know our occupations and when we told him our career titles, Suge exclaimed "oh they some educated women!" I guess it is safe to assume that they aren't surrounded by many women with "careers" on a regular basis.

Suge, in an obviously intoxicated state, started running his fingers through my hair. My body became even more stiff (as if that was at all possible). He continuously commented on how beautiful it was and how I "got good long pretty hair and don't have no tracks either." Of course he had to question the authenticity of my eyes and was completely amazed when I said they were real. Did he actually expect me to say "no, they ain't real, just real good contacts." I mean, what if they weren't?! What difference does it make? Do guys realize that asking questions of that nature are inappropriate? It's almost like me walking up to someone and saying, "hey those your real teeth or are they dentures?" Or say "girl that's tracks in your head?" I mean, for real, give me a damn break!

A few more uncomfortable minutes and a little small talk later, I began to feel really anxious and was too ready to get the f out of there. He insisted that we call him the next day so that we can go out with them and then offered to walk us to our cars. I assured him that we were more than capable of making that trek by ourselves. Hell, we were MUCH safer walking alone than with his ass! He told us to call him when we got home to let him know we made it there safely...yeah right! We bolted for the door and walked so damn fast to the escalators! There were two guys that had left the restaurant a couple of seconds before we did and had witnessed most of the ordeal. One of them turned around and asked us if we were scared with a stupid smirk on his face. He then tried to reassure us that he was looking out for us by saying that they wouldn't have let "nothing go down." I looked at that pip squeak and thought to myself "fool, you are no bigger than I am, Suge would have knocked your tale out with one swat!"

I was really intimidated by Suge. He is a very intimidating presence. I felt obligated to confer with the small demands he made to give him our info. I couldn't play him like I tend to do some of the worthless guys that step to me. Shit this dude killed Tupac, he wouldn't be scared to kill my lil ass (I know it's a bit far-fetched, but hey, it's me what did u expect). Men don't like their ego bruised so we had to let him think we were cool. I blame Cali Girl for the fiasco and for getting us harassed. If it weren't for her theatrics he probably would have never paid two bits of attention to us. Needless to say, he hasn't called us, and we definitely won't be calling him.