What do you do when your famous EX marries beneath you? I guess technically, you don't do anything. But how does it make you feel? And what does it stand for?
How often is it, that you see a high profile man on television or the net with his s/o and think to yourself "That's his wife?!" With a puzzled look on your face, you wonder why that man chose that woman. Knowing all of the options he must have (or have had) what compelled him to be with her? Then you catch yourself and think that you are being shallow. Shame on you! After all, beauty is in the eye of the beholder- right? Of course there is more to a person than just the physical. You start feeling bad for thinking horrible thoughts about Mr. HP and the Homely/Plain Jane that is his MRS.
I have dated my fair share of high profile men. As much as I hate to admit it, there is something intriguing about a man with power, money and flashing lights! And I guess you could say that I am the quintessential date for a high profile guy. But I seem to fall short of the MRS. material. Why?
Personally, I think it is safe to say that these type of men generally date women who are aesthetically appealing, charismatic, and intelligent. The DYME. But they always seem to marry the homely, submissive, average chick. The Plain Jane.
You guys remember the post about MAC right? You may have figured out from that post that MAC is a Mr. HP kind of guy. He recently exchanged "I Dos" with his homely, submissive, average chick. After seeing the pics from the ceremony, I have received many comments from friends and family that have stated what I've known for a while: MAC clearly downgraded.
Not to toot my own horn (TOOT!TOOT!), but I am confident that I run circles around the new MRS. in every area. However, I lacked something obviously. At least in MAC's eyes.
I am sure I am running the risk of sounding like the bitter EX, but this has happened to me on more than one occasion. I have been courted by a few high profile men, only to later find out that I am the EXACT opposite of the women they chose to wife.
This has left me perplexed to say the least. Did they date me because I was exactly what they didn't want in a wife but was the perfect arm candy at the time?
I am not alone in this. I personally know many women who also stand in this category along with me. Any man with good sense and good sight would want to hold tight and "wife" one of us- right? WRONG. Not the men that we tend to date and are attracted to. Not the MR. HPs.
After deep soul-searching and self evaluation, I realized that the problem really isn't me- it's them. I have come to the conclusion that many of these men tend to take the safe road when it relates to the "forever" term. They would much rather marry the woman that most men wouldn't look at twice, as oppose to marrying the DYME. Why? Because the DYME, in all of her beauty and savoir faire, makes them feel insecure- inadequate even. The high profile man needs for the attention to be on him at all times, the DYME threatens to steal his shine. Mr. HP needs to be confident that his MRS. wouldn't have any other options in the event that he shows his azz (which he most likely will do at some point in the relationship). He knows that the DYME, in all of her glory, could have any man walking- including other more HIGHER profile men. That makes him uncomfortable.
Men most times HATE competition, with women that is. Especially the high profile ones. Yes, I am generalizing, but please follow me. While they are flattered that other men find their woman attractive and intelligent, they are also insecure because of it. So, instead of living with the fact that they have a DYME for a wife, they would rather make a safe choice and choose the chic that they know no one else would look at twice. Mr. HP doesn't want to feel like the MRS. had many choices, but chose him. He wants to be the one with the upper hand. It is only right, in his eyes, that he is the only one with options. The homely average chick is flattered that Mr. HP has chosen her and would do NOTHING to run him away.
Mr. HP is ok with dating the DYME, and he may even entertain the idea of marrying her; they may even shack up together. That's how he gets his "street cred" or "dating cred" as I should call it. It flatters him to hear his colleagues, buddies and the like, marvel in her beauty and intelligence...it makes him proud to see her work a room and play hostess...but it also makes him uneasy at the same time. He realizes that exactly what he loves about her, everyone else does too. In his mind, that makes him expendable. Soooo, before he sustains an ego crush or lives an insecure life, he'd rather make the safe choice and seek out the Plain Jane.
Little does Mr. HP know, average doesn't equate undying love and adoration anymore than being a DYME equates the desire to seek out better options. Having been the DYME a time or two, I can safely say that in any relationship, whether with a Mr. HP or with an Average Joe, I have been hopelessly devoted. I am unequivocally 100% faithful when in a relationship. Just because I could get another man, doesn't mean that I wanted one. When I'm digging a dude that's it. It's about he and I. No one else could come between that bond. Even if the next guy is of a higher profile or possess better looks.
What Mr. HP can not decipher is true commitment because more often than not, he isn't offering it himself! These men tend to have one foot in and one foot out- in all of their relationships. Most times the lack of commitment can be attributed to his own guilty conscience. It has been this very example of insecurity and inadequacy that has led to the demise of many a relationship between Mr. HP and the DYME.
So where is the hope for a DYME like myself? Do we dumb-down? Dress in sweats? Hide our natural God-given assets behind large sunglasses and hats? Or do we continue being ourselves and wait for the man that will appreciate us in all of our DYMEness? I mean after all, if you are a DYME, there isn't much you can do to play it down. I think the latter is the most appealing option at the moment. There has to be some man (or men) out there that isn't intimidated by a fierce woman, and is equally fierce in his own right and comfortable in his own skin!
The Best of Both Worlds
3 comments:
Wow! This blog entry puts forth an extremely interesting perspective. However, if you truly posted this entry to evoke honest discussion and feedback and really do want constructive commentary, I suggest you seriously consider my following comments coming from a man who most women would consider an HP. To begin, I think you are way off base. This quote from your entry sums up your problem in a nutshell, “After deep soul-searching and self evaluation, I realized that the problem really isn’t me- it’s them.” My first proposition for you to help improve your situation is for you to consider that whenever you engage in activity with different people, from different backgrounds having different personalities, but you keep getting the same results; odds are the problem is indeed with you, not them.
To be frank, my impression of you from your entry is not very flattering. It is apparent that you don’t lack for confidence, and I will take your word that you are a hot chick; but you clearly think a little too highly of yourself and indeed are very shallow regardless of your insincere disclaimer. When explaining why you are a “dyme” you only focus on things that point to the physical. You don’t mention any of your personality characteristics (i.e. you don’t say you’re supportive, understanding, your friends and colleagues really respect and depend on you, sweet, domestic, etc.). You only focus on your self-proclaimed hotness. By contrast, you point to negative characteristics of the “Mrs.” and your assessments originate from the appearance of the “Mrs.” From a simple picture, you and your friends note that the EX “downgraded”. Next you automatically assume this “Mrs.” is submissive and average. There’s nothing in your entry that leads me to believe you truly have contemplated that these “Mrs.” chicks might actually bring something positive to the table that may indeed appeal to Mr. HP. for a long-term situation.
And therein lies one barrier to solving your problem. Instead of assessing the competition critically and thoughtfully in a way that may lead you to gain understanding about why you keep seeing your HP guy go off and marry these “Mrs.” chicks, you stop your analysis at the physical or surface characteristics. You can’t compete successfully in a game when you don’t have a quality understanding of your competition.
Another barrier to solving your problem is that you don’t seem to have a very good understanding of the needs of an HP guy. Many of your premises about HP guys are flawed and even contradictory. For example, you say that many HP guys are afraid to marry a dyme out of insecurity. Why would HP be afraid to marry a dyme if he’s truly an HP? You overestimate your prowess. I’m sure from your own experiences HP has proven to be a guy with the ability to date many dymes (probably dated other dymes while dating you), so why would he be so insecure of losing you when he could replace you easily with another dyme and by your own perspective he could definitely replace you with a “Mrs.” quite easily. In connection with that, you need to learn how to truly assess why HP guys, or any guys, choose to date you. If you believe yourself to be such a dyme, obviously you’ll get a look. Guys like sex, and they would like to have sex with hot chicks. If you’re a hot chick, guys are going get at you. They may date you, act like they like you, but that doesn’t mean they want to be with you for more than a little sex or, as you do seem to recognize, for show. Looks get you in the door, personality and positive attributes keep you in the house. You seem to think that all you need to do is be “fine” and that should be enough. NOPE.
As an HP guy, I’ve found that hot chicks are a dyme a dozen, pun intended. One fat ass with nice breasts, long hair and legs is just as physically stimulating as the next. When you are an HP guy, you don’t want for attention from that caliber woman. So when determining who we really want to be with long-term, we look at higher level characteristics to separate one woman from the next. Things like being supportive and tender when we miss-step, understanding us when nobody else agrees with us, being strong when we feel weak. Can you nurse us back to health when we are sick, can you feed us when we are hungry? Do you show any ability to care for children or any desire to have them. Are you intelligent enough to help us complete our ambitions? Do you have ambitions of your own that push your HP to exceed so as to make you proud? These are the qualities that get you into the “Mrs.” category.
So you see, your thesis will lead to no good result for you or anyone who subscribes to it. While you sit around talking shit about the “Mrs.” and the “HP”, the HP gets a wife, the “Mrs.” gets to marry (and marry up by your own standards) and you are left with nothing but questions. What’s worse, you aren’t getting any younger or hotter. The thing you identify as your biggest asset, your looks, is diminishing, and will soon have very little value at all. Then what? So get in the game. Just like a man has to work hard to get and keep a good woman, a woman has to work to get and keep a good man. Embrace the challenge and win; and you’re next blog will be about how the hot chick got her HP to bow down and recognize ALL the things she brings to the table.
Anonymous: First, let me welcome you to our spot. Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I LOVE to evoke honest, thought provoking conversations. It's one of my many ASSETS.
I am not one dimensional. Nothing about me can ever be considered as such. I am confident in my DYMEness- physically, intellectually and otherwise. My stance on this topic remains.
I don't seek advice, only opinions, so no need for the "how to get and keep an HP" lesson. This was only blog fodder. Come back soon, and next time, don't take things so personal....and leave your name. XoXo, CC
Dude are you serious? You sound more like a girl than a guy BTW.
I dont agree nor disagree with the author. But I do know I've looked at people's wives and been like ummmm where did he get her? Yeah Im shallow. And?
~Lez
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