NOT AGAIN!

I met Mac over 5 years ago. He was a very charming man and was like a little local celebrity in the town we resided in. Everyone knew him and loved him. Our initial interaction was at an Exxon Station…it was 6am, and I was leaving my current boyfriend’s home en route to work and had to make a pit stop for gas. He was on his way to work as well. We were on opposite pumps from each other. He nodded in acknowledgement of my presence; I returned the nod with a faint smile. A few minutes later I stumbled inside of the Exxon Station to pay for my gas and the attendee told me that the gentleman on pump 8 had already taken care of it. I went outside to thank him for his generosity. He was gone but left a one dollar bill with his name and phone number written across it on my windshield. I never called.

We met again several months later at the local nightspot. My ex and I were going through some things and I needed to feel like I still had it going on. Mac spotted me almost immediately and made his way to the area I was sitting in. He charmed the hell out of me- unintentionally. That was just his nature. It didn’t help that he was looking all suave and debonair. Lol. He wasn’t necessarily a “good looking” man, more than he was a “well put together” man. I am not big on looks at all, but something about him was appealing…to EVERYONE. He had a defined swagger and confidence even though deep down inside he was simple the lil country boy from the backwoods of Mississippi. He and I spent the rest of the night talking, laughing, and enjoying each other.

Fast forward 4 yrs. Nothing really ever kicked off between Mac and I. We were both dealing with relationship drama, and never could quite get on the same page. He supported me through one of the toughest times in my life. I mean, REALLY supported me…he offered me more support than my best girlfriends. I will NEVER forget how much of a MAN he proved to be during that time. When I realized that the relationship between my ex and I really wasn’t going anywhere, I started to think about the possibility of getting with Mac, I mean REALLY getting with him. In the 4yrs we had known each other, we had barely held hands, never kissed and sexing wasn’t even in the vocabulary. We spent many nights in bed together, cuddling, spooning, talking- hell, he’d even seen me naked (that’s a whole nother story) and we never crossed the line. I started to wonder if God was showing me the man I should be with but I wasn’t paying attention to the signs. Mac invited me on a vacation with him and his friends and there we had an opportunity to sit down and talk about “us”. He told me that he wanted nothing more than to try to see if we could be in a relationship, but the distance scared him. I lived on one coast, he lived on another….we were in two separate time zones. So, we decided to just “go with the flow.”

Recently he suffered a personal setback in his life and career. He started re-evaluating his life. He had more time to spare and he and I were getting close again. Genuine interest and effort was being put forth on both of our ends even though it was tough with the distance. I was determined to be there for him like he was there for me when I needed a friend. I wanted to show him how much I appreciated his loyalty. But I noticed, slowly but surely, he began to withdraw…clam up…detach himself. It started off initially with him taking a few days to return phone calls, and then I noticed how he was rarely ever available. On two occasions, he had flat out stood me up for dates and he knew my time in the city was limited. I was pissed, so I backed off. From that point on the communication was induced by him. I didn’t reach out to him, he reached out to me. The conversations were never strained, but I could tell that something was going on in his life. I knew that his job security was still troubling him, so I tried to be cognizant of that and not demanding of his attention and time.

He invited me to a “party” at his house during Thanksgiving. He knew that I would be in town and wanted me to stop by and see his new place. I ended up staying the entire weekend there. I got reacquainted with his mother and sister and nephews…we had a great time. During the weekend, he was involved in an accident and was physically impaired. I was there for him the night of the accident and the next day. However, I had to leave to return to my current home base. He seemed disappointed, but was very understanding. I tried to call him every day after that but my calls were unanswered. Messages unreturned.

Well, I got a call from him yesterday. Shocked me to death! He spoke as if nothing ever happened. He said he heard I was in town for a brief visit and that he wanted to sit down and “catch up.” He asked if I still loved to eat sushi and he would meet me at my favorite sushi place in about an hr. I agreed and went.

I don’t remember much of the conversation, but I do remember that somewhere between me ordering edamame and the waitress bringing him sake bombs, he broke the news. He was having surgery in a week on the injury he sustained in the accident in November, and his fiancé would be accompanying him to the city he would be doing his rehabilitation in. WTF? I blanked out. He was saying some other stuff that sounded like “whah whah whah” to me. But somewhere in all of that he mentioned that his fiancé was on her way to the restaurant to meet us for lunch. He wanted us to meet each other, especially since he talks about me so much.

Holy MOSES! I couldn’t believe I was sitting there hearing this. I pinched myself because this could NOT be real. Dude, did you just tell me that you invited your FIANCE to meet us for lunch??? I didn’t have time to catch my breath before she was standing in my presence. I wanted to hate her; I really did but I couldn’t. She wasn’t a beauty, but she was cute….very homely, but sweet….had a country twang and was gracious to meet my acquaintance. WOW. She had heard so much about me and was so glad to finally meet the friend Mac talked about so much. She thanked me for being his best friend and asked for my address so that she could send me an invitation to the wedding ceremony in the spring. WTF?? She gave me the password to the website, told me the colors of her bridesmaids’ dresses, and even asked if I would want to come to the bridal luncheon. HA!

I tried to process it all and then I glanced over and saw him holding her hand under the table. He hadn’t said a word since she sat down. I hadn’t even touched the edamame and the waitress came to the table a good (3) times before to get my order but I kept sending her away. I got up to go to the restroom because I was about to explode and I refused to let them see me sweat. Could she not see the glassiness in my eyes? Did she not feel the stiffness in his body language?
He sent me a text message a few hours ago and said “nothing like some news…huh.” I ignored it.

Ya see, I am not upset that he is getting married (disappointed maybe); I am not upset that he found a woman that truly adores him. He deserves that. It is something that I may have never been able to give him. He knew VERY well that he and I would never have really been able to pull things off because of all of the situations in the past. However, I was and still am upset.

I am really upset because it pulled me back to that space with Mr. 36. The space that I have not quite gotten out of yet. After all, it was just a few days ago that Mr. 36 called me and declared his love for me with his married ass. That wound is still fresh, and now this.

I did not appreciate how Mac broke the news to me, mainly the fact that he invited his fiancé to lunch. Gosh dude, at least give me time to digest the fact that you are getting married on me. And for him to make me seem like I was his BEST girl friend was the worst! But, I do respect him for respecting me enough to let me know ahead of time before I found it out from someone else in a not so positive way. And TRUST me, I would have found out. I’m surprised I didn’t find out sooner actually.

That doesn’t let Mac completely off the hook though. He has been misleading- not just to me, but to her especially. This relationship can’t be new…at the least they were involved in November. And what must his family think of me?! After all I just recently spent the entire weekend with them. They don’t know that he and I are not and have never been sexually involved. I’m sure that they were just assuming we were. I’m sure they assume that I also knew that he was getting married. What kind of woman does that make me appear to be? Ugggghhh! Not again!

XoXo,
CC