The One I Should Want

How many of us know just the right guy? That guy who seems perfect. The guy who is emotionally available, smart, funny, attentive, thoughtful, employed, your friend….by all standards, the perfect mate. So, why are we not attracted to them?

I have a few guy friends – amazing guys by any standard. All of whom would make perfect boyfriends and husbands. One of these friends has made it clear that he would be more than happy to take our friendship to the next level. Ironic thing is that I’m just not interested.


He’s extremely handsome and has all the traits of a good boyfriend. I know that he would treat me with respect and probably put me on my own little pedestal. And I honestly couldn’t tell you why I’m not interested in him except that I don’t feel sparks around him. I know that sounds ridiculous and childish but it’s true. I’ve always felt butterflies and my heart pitter-patter whenever my next love interest presented himself. And clearly I haven’t always done the best job when choosing the right guy to be with, but I must say, I can’t imagine being with a guy that I’m not excited about. In my opinion, there is no comparison to the feeling you get when you’re attracted to a man; when you just want to be around him; when you heart begins to race because he’s getting close to you. Call me childish but I love that feeling and it’s a prerequisite to any relationship I have.

Recently though, I’ve been starting to question if I should forsake that animal attraction and try to work with what is in front of me. I know that the pitter-patter and infatuation doesn’t last. I recognize that relationships change and as you become comfortable with someone that initial feeling of excitement subsides. So, maybe I should consider trying to pursue something with the “good guy” who is at my door just begging to come in. Perhaps I should be practical and hope that those feelings will eventually come. This may sound far fetched but there are thousands of people in arraigned marriages that don’t even see their husbands and wives till their wedding day. Many of those couples go on to have beautiful marriages blessed with long lasting love. Maybe the key to a successful relationship has nothing to do with physical attraction. Does that sound silly? Is it vain of me to even worry about being attracted to my boyfriend or husband? Call me crazy but I really couldn’t imagine it any other way.

So, what do I do? Do I wait for the man that gives me butterflies and hopefully embodies all the traits I want and need in a mate or do I pursue the man that I have lukewarm attraction to but is seemingly the perfect guy? You tell me – The One I Should Want or the One I Do Want?

XoXo,
Charmed