Family Ties

Is there such a thing as a man being too close to his family? This is the question I’m pondering this week, after going out with a new guy I recently met. Seems like an odd question but I do think that everything has its limitations and sometimes people go overboard.

I met H.P. last weekend at a local lounge. Though I wasn’t initially attracted to him, he seemed like a very nice and personable guy. And since I’m trying to step outside of my comfort zone, I decided to give him my phone number. When he called later in the week, I really found myself enjoying our conversation. I was pleasantly surprised to find that there was an ease to our conversation. Nothing about it was awkward at all. In fact, it was just like talking to anyone of my guy friends. However, there were some odd things that came up in conversation. H.P. expressed that he was from a very large and tight-knit family. As any girl, I would guess, I was happy to hear this. I’m also from a very large and tight-knit family, so I was happy to hear we had something (so important to me) in common. H.P. then goes on to tell me the name of the small city he’d grown up in and revealed that he’d just moved away from that city for the first time. Though he’d gone to college in a city close by, he always commuted to school and work, never leaving his hometown and family. He went on to say that, for the first time, he was living away from his family in another nearby city and was actually experiencing some withdrawal. Though he’d lived on his own before, H.P. had never actually lived more than 10 miles away from his parents and siblings. For him, living 30min away from his family was a big deal. Hearing this from H.P. definitely took me off guard. As a young woman who has lived away from my hometown (far away) for many years, I was a bit put off by the idea that this guy, whom is 32 by the way, was having such a hard time only living 30min from his family. But, like I’d said, with such good conversation I wanted to stay open and felt positive and excited about going out on a date with H.P.
As H.P. and I were deciding when and where we would meet, I suggested lunch on Saturday. Immediately, I got what seemed to be a panicked text saying that Saturday wasn’t ideal because he usually runs errands and drives out to his hometown to visit with his family. I practically fell out of my chair reading the text. Was he serious?? Was he seriously saying to me, after offering to accommodate my schedule, that he couldn’t spare 2 hours of his time on Saturday to have lunch??? Wow! I was blown away. I appreciate that the man is close to his family. Really…I do. But somehow I’m having a difficult time with the separation anxiety he seems to feel living only 30min away from them. Call me crazy but doesn’t this seem like a warning sign? As we’ve all been taught, how a man treats his mother is something every woman should pay attention to. It is usually very telling as to how he will treat his significant other. And like any woman, I would love a man who is caring, thoughtful and family-oriented. But isn’t there a limit? No one really wants a man so close to his family that he can’t truly commit to you, right? When you’re in a relationship, you want to feel like you’re in it with your partner, not him AND their family. And don’t even talk about if you get married! Then you’re married to the mother and not the man. Plus, it often goes that there are some maturity issues when a man can’t detach at least a little. H.P. even said that for the first time, he’s starting to realize he’s not the center of the world! OK! Now, in his defense, he is the youngest of 6, so it’s understandable that he’s been babied and coddled most of his life but you’re 32 - MAN! At some point, you have to Man Up! I’m a part of a big family, as well, but I’ve known for quite some time that the universe does not revolve around me.

I don’t know about you but I’m very leery of a man who seems to by very interested in meeting you but can’t because he can’t take two hours out of his Saturday to do so. You tell me ladies, is there such a thing as too close to the family and could you date a Mama’s Boy?

XoXo,
Charmed