Super Stalker

I know it’s not just me…I know I’m not the only woman out there that has been practically stalked by an EX. If you’ve had a similar experience, you’ll appreciate my story. I’ve chosen this topic for my post because recently, my semi-stalker of nearly ten years has popped up again!

A few nights ago, I was online doing some research and in a matter of moments, a chat box pops up from SS (we’ll call him that for reference in this post) asking if “we weren’t friends anymore.” Trying to be direct but kind, I simply replied with a “hi” and “I wouldn’t necessarily call us “friends,” would you?” In retrospect, I wish I hadn’t replied at all because somehow I was dragged into a nearly hour long chat session of back and forth foolishness.


Just to give you some context, I dated SS in college for about three years. Our relationship ended abruptly when I discovered that he was not only cheating on me but had another girlfriend. The best part of the discovery is that I found out one night by stopping by his apartment unexpectedly and the other woman answered the door. Imagine my surprise, disappointment and feelings of hurt at twenty years old when I discovered my supposed “soul mate” had another relationship and everyone he knew - knew that he was playing two women – including his “church-going” family with whom I saw often! Needless to say, our relationship ended on the spot. However, in all honesty (like so many young women), I didn’t fully let go and we maintained a highly dysfunctional “friendship.” Upon graduating from college, I accepted a job offer across the country and began to build a new life. SS and I communicated sporadically during my first year away and I actually saw him once when he “just happened” to be in my new city for who knows what. For me, that visit was the final straw. After seeing him, I realized that I had moved on and wasn’t interested in any kind of relationship with him. I’d come to my senses and realized that any person that claims to love you and be a friend to you would never betray you the way he did me. At that time, I made peace with the situation and decided to forgive him but move on and though I wish him no ill will, I have no interest in any form of a relationship with him.

Fast-forward - SS has consistently reached out to me in some form or another for the last six years (almost seven!). Mostly, he calls or emails but once he sent me a baked-good in the mail!!! (Side note) Who sends baked goods in the mail to people they don’t communicate with?! It was delivered to my job and sat in a box for days because I was on a business trip. (Back to the story) Each time he calls or writes, he expresses how badly he wants us to be friends and how he is so much better now. He also goes on about how he has met many, many women and none compare to me even at twenty. Keep in mind that I’m nearly thirty now. It’s been almost seven years since I moved away from my college town. It’s been over six years since I’ve seen him last! Is he serious?! Yes, he is. You don’t know me but I’m a pretty honest and direct person. I don’t “pretend” to be his friend or speak nicely to him. In fact, I’ve been very cold and told him on many occasions that I’m not interested in a friendship. I’ve expressed that he is forgiven and that I think it best that he just move on. Yet somehow…he will not leave me alone. I can’t seem to shake him no matter what I say. Just today he sent me an MP3 of some sappy love song via email. “From me to you,” is what he wrote in the email. SERIOUSLY!!! WTF?!?! I think the worst part of it is that he’s arrogant and somehow believes that I actually think of him and still care for him, even though I NEVER call or write. I honestly am indifferent towards him. I have no feelings for him one-way or the other. I’m past what happened between us and I’ve moved on. I was still a child when we were together; now I’m an adult. Ironic part is that he’s seven years my senior. You read right! That makes him nearly FORTY!!!! And he’s still sniffing after me like a puppy dog. I can’t take it anymore!!!!!!! He’s lightweight spooking me. I’m surprised he hasn’t popped up at my job yet. I think it’s time to take it to the next level – I simply have to ignore him.

I’ve tried to play nice but it’s clear to me that by somewhat entertaining his attention, I’ve given him what he thinks is a pass to keep reaching out to me. I didn’t want to be mean but I think the only way to shake him is to completely ignore him. It’s sad that despite our efforts to move on, selfish men refuse to let go. It’s as if the only way for them to make amends for their mistake is to drag you back down with them. Not interested! I don’t care how much he’s changed. I HOPE he has changed. It’s been six years! The moral of the story is that just because you were once close to someone, it doesn’t mean that you always have to be. As I read in Acts of Faith by Iyanla Vanzant, “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.” When it’s time to let go of relationships – learn from it and let go!!! Don’t become a semi-stalker!!!!!!!!!!!!

XoXo, Charmed