Compliments or Insults?


I recently became reacquainted with a guy I’ve known since my college days. Our communication began initially via email, but soon progressed to sporadic phone calls and text messages. In the midst of one of our text conversations, he showered me with compliments and even stated that he didn’t know how he could have “slept on me for so long.” I jokingly agreed with him and said that obviously he didn’t realize the truth (about me) until recently, but it was better late than never. He concurred. That is where he should have stopped, but instead he kept going. He went on to say that he noticed me back in the day, but I wasn’t that hot then. He even went so far as to say that I am now beyond hot- I’m on fire.Those were his exact words. I sat there and looked at the message like “WOW” this guy has some guts. I tried to shake off my initial feeling of negativity that exuded from the text and simply replied back “Actually, I believe I was much hotter when I was younger, however I am more confident and sure of my hotness in my older age.” He responded “No. Trust me, you weren’t that hot. But now you definitely are and I think you know it.”


I had to pick up the phone and call him on that note. He answered ecstatically as if he was so excited to hear my voice. I shut him down real quick. “So, do you think what you just text me was a compliment?” I asked. “Of course,” he replied. “Well it wasn’t,” I retorted. “I am sure you had the best intentions when you made that statement. I would even go so far as to say that you just don't know any better. However, what you said to me was by far more of an insult than a compliment. You should NEVER tell any woman that you are just becoming acquainted with, that you believe she wasn’t hot at some point in her life. That statement is down right tacky and inappropriate. Anywho, I gotta go. Just wanted to make sure you heard what I had to say.” CLICK.

I know I might have been out of line to snap on ole boy, but I am so sick of guys who think they are saying smooth things, but are actually being incredible jerks. It is evident that he has probably used that line a time or two on some gullible female that was impressed to receive a compliment from a decent looking man. Well, I’m not that chick. It was more than necessary for me to put him in his place. I am confident that it worked. Since then he has texted me and called me to apologize and was emphatic about the fact that he didn’t mean his statement negatively. I am more than sure he will think twice next time he forms his lips to give the HOT chick a compliment.

One of my girlfriends just experienced the same kind of tactless truth. She was out at a party in Hollywood- the stomping ground of anorexics and bulimics. She was approached by a guy whose pick up line was “I like full-figured chicks.” He was DEAD SERIOUS. No smirk, no sign of sarcasm, no remorse. He really meant that as a compliment. Now don’t get me wrong, my friend knows she could never be equated as a skinny chick. She is curvy in all of the right places, but by no means the definition of a full-figured chick. And even if she were, that is something that you just don’t say to a woman that you just met. Who are these guys getting their women advice from? Their consultants need to be fired! Pronto!

Let this be a lesson to all of the men out there. Stick with the simple cliché compliments: you’re so beautiful; you’re gorgeous; I like your style; you have pretty teeth; your breath smells fresh…. Don’t try to be creative, because nine times out of ten you will end up with a foot in your mouth, and it just might be mine.

XoXo,
C.C.