Irreplaceable

We all know the words:

"You must not know about me…I can have another you in a minute, matter of fact, he'll be here in a minute…"

Charmed and I like to change the last part of that phrase. Instead we say "I can have a BETTER MAN in a minute, matter of fact he'll be here in a minute!"

It seems kind of ludicrous to actually want another cheater- after all, isn't the main character in the song putting her dude out of the house for driving the other chick around in the Jag that is registered in her name? So I have decided to assist Beyonce (and Ne-Yo since he is the ghost writer of that song) and replace the phrase with terminology more befitting to myself and my sisterfriends.

Some men really believe that they are irreplaceable. I am sure we all would like to be narcissistic enough to believe that our ex-lovers could never do a better job and UPGRADE to someone better than we are…but truth be told…they always can. That person may not necessarily be a better person, more than simply a better fit.

My EX called me not too long ago out of the blue. We hadn't spoken in ages. He called insistently, and only left a message after the 3^rd time I didn't answer. I was pre-occupied with a gentleman caller, and didn't feel the necessity to answer the call. I listened to the message and the pitiful voice on the other end left a very brief message requesting a returned phone call at my earliest convenience.

"Don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable…"

Why is it that when you are finally getting rid of the emotional ties to a past relationship and attempting to progress with a new one, the EX calls? Does he have some kind of radar that beeps to let him know that you are moving in the direction of another man? Why does it seem that just when you found someone you think you are interested in embarking on the journey of Boy-friendship with, the EX pops back into your life pronouncing his undying love for you? Why was he suddenly beginning to realize that I aint a shabby chick?! Why did it take this long for him to realize that the same way he was attracted to me, fell in love with me, and wanted me in his life, someone else could possibly feel the same way! Exactly what has caused him to now realized that he is NOT Irreplaceable?

"To the left to the left…"

So why was I flirting with the idea of meeting up with him for a dinner date in another city? Because I am a glutton for punishment! Hell- I guess that is the most logical explanation possible.

I flew to the location to meet him for dinner and planned to spend the night in the city where we met up at. I arrived at the restaurant a few minutes before he did and was inundated with thought of how awkward this meeting would be. To my surprise (or maybe not) things were unabashingly smooth. We have this undeniable chemistry that even a stranger could pick up. We started laughing and talking about the good ole days and how much fun we had together and the times we shared. The night was still young, so I agreed to go back with him to his room for a couple of drinks. We ended up ordering room-service, drinking wine, and chatting it up. The night was going so well….our trip down memory lane took us back to some of the most intimate moments of our relationship. We even got to the point where we were about to have sex. I know I've talked about abstinence on here….don't get holier than though on me, a sista gets weak and has needs to ya know. Anywho, back to the story.

So just as we were preparing to have sex, I bust out crying! In my head swirled several thoughts…

1. God's disappointment in me for my lack of discipline.
   
2. My disappointment in myself for breaking my promise to myself and to God.
   
3. The fact that this man does NOT deserve me anymore.
   
4. The details of the nature of our break up and the last few months of our relationship.
   
5. The fact that he could be involved with someone right at that moment and I would NEVER know.
   

I was crying uncontrollably. I am talking about SOBBING crying ya'll! Yes, ya girl was straight trippin while sitting buck naked on the bed in front of the EX. I couldn't see the look on his face due to my clouded vision, but I was an emotional mess. I must say, he was very supportive and understanding. I am sure he was thinking in the back of his mind that I was still as crazy as a lunatic, but, in the moment, he was very tender and consoling. I kept apologizing for my outburst. I was so embarrassed….it lasted about 5 lonnnnng minutes. Every time I thought I was done, another thought swarmed my head and made me burst into more tears. Maybe it was the (4) glasses of Riesling I had consumed earlier that assisted in my emotional instability??? Whatever the deal, I was THROUGH.

After I calmed my lil self down, I put back on my clothes and excused myself to my own room which was four floors below his. There I had the time to think about my actions and take a loooonnnng hot shower to calm my nerves. I then realized that what I was about to do would set me back IONS! It really would have nullified my whole current stance! I would have been set back light years…all courtesy of some Riesling, a smooth talking brother who knew what to say to make talk off my panties, and the undying audacity of hope for a relationship with a man who is no good for me. My break down was God's way of getting me out of the situation and I'm So Glad he assisted me!

"Standing in the front yard telling me how I'm such a fool, talking 'bout I'll never ever find a man like you….got me twisted!"

I have a very strict policy I like to call "Black Black No TAKE BACKS!" Kind of elementary sounding- I know, but that is the saying that sticks with me. After I am done with a relationship, I rarely ever go back. I refuse to say never, so I will leave it as rarely ever. With the EX and I, there was an obvious dysfunction in our relationship that will possibly remain forever if we decided to get together. That alone is a sign that we don't need to even flirt with the idea of indulging in each other's presence.

I can't lie and say that I was not itching to see him…I can't lie and say that I never hoped and prayed that he would change and get his act together, but I am realistic and intelligent enough to know that he probably hasn't. He is NOT irreplaceable. Never has been. I still love him, and may always- deep down in my heart…true love just doesn't evaporate. However, I don't want to be with him…I am enjoying The Dating Lane and I am well aware that he isn't the man for me.

As I got on the plane the next morning, I realized something. I wouldn't necessarily consider it to be one of my great epiphanies more than I would consider it to be just a simple light bulb moment: "You must not know 'bout me, you must not know 'bout me….I can have a BETTER MAN in a minute- matter of fact he's picking me up from the airport!"

My newest man of the moment, Bachelor #1 would be eagerly awaiting my arrival at baggage claim, with a cute little kid in tow. CC loves the kids! Just the thought of seeing them and spending the rest of the week with them, warmed my heart.

Lesson of the Day: Let sleeping dogs lie. There is no need for you to lay next to them. For what? To get up with fleas for no damn reason?! Got me TWISTED!

XoXo,
CC